IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that too much attention and too many resources have been given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #attention #resources #protection #animals #birds
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Over time, a few wild
animals
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 have already disappeared on the earth,
although
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people
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 still use more resources and attention to protect them.
However
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, I only partially agree that
people
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 have already done well in protecting wild
animals
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 and
birds
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, so we need to do more. For one thing,
people
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 destroy natural resources to develop businesses every day. The place of the wild
animals
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 and
birds
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 is becoming small.
Firstly
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,
for example
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,
people
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 need more wood to make the furniture. A large forest disappears, so the wild
animals
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 do not have safe places.
Secondly
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, the industry is growing more quickly, and the climate is becoming warm, which, thanks to the food of
animals
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 and
birds
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, we often see many hungry
animals
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 do not think that wild
animals
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 and
birds
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 are my human friends. For one thing, some
people
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 like to eat wild
animals
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 and believe
this
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 is delicious food. Another reason for
this
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 opinion is that some wild
animals
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 and
birds
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 destroy the crop, and the farmer is furious. They want to kill them and protect their crop.
Last
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 but not least, some
people
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 use advanced technology, so they kill many
animals
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 very quickly and easily. In conclusion,
people
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 are becoming more potent than ever. We can not see them in the future if we do not protect them. Even so, I must admit that
people
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 have already paid more attention and resources.
Submitted by erichardxin on

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task response
The essay provides some relevant points, but there is a need for better development and expansion of ideas. More specific examples and details are required to fully support the argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear, and the progression of ideas could be improved. There is also a lack of clear introduction and conclusion, which impacts the overall coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in using more precise and varied lexical choices. Additionally, some expressions are used inappropriately, affecting the overall coherence.
grammatical range
The essay displays a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors in sentence structure and word usage. More complex sentence structures and a wider range of grammatical structures should be used to enhance the quality of the writing.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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