IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both these views and give our own opinion

#people #school #students #study #news #subjects #waste #time
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It is thought that the pupils in secondary school have to be educated the international
news
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 as a major
subject
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,
whereas
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 others claim that it is not necessary.In
this
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 essay, both points of view will be illustrated
in addition
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 to my opinion.
To begin
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 with, some of the public believe that it is essential to provide the
students
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 with a quite familiar background around the
news
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 around the globe. To illustrate
this
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, in my country,
this
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 discipline has been rendered to secondary
schools
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 in order to have a good knowledge about different dilemmas of the world.
However
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, despite
this
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, I am inclined to think neither.
This
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 is because the dogma of the educatees at
this
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 stage is not able to grasp these issues in the international
news
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. Regarding another view, it is said that it is not justified to feed the mindset of the
students
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 at
this
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 stage with these sorts of
news
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 because it is worthless. To give a clear example, in Japan, most of the educatees in secondary
schools
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 have to be quite familiar with technology in order to the future challenges
instead
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 of other subjects. What is more, practising
this
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 discipline will not pave the way for them to lustre in their future career because it's not greatly needed in the working environment. In order to the aforementioned justifications , what the authorities have to do is not teach
this
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subject
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 to the
students
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 who are in secondary
schools
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. So as to the given reasons, I am fairly certain it is not a good idea to teach the
students
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this
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 kind of information
although
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, there are some positives to
this
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subject
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 as well. In a nutshell, after a thorough analysis of
this
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subject
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, it is understandable that it is not critical to learn international
news
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 for
students
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 who are in secondary
schools
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. In your introduction, clearly state the purpose of the essay and your thesis statement. In the body, organize your arguments coherently, and in the conclusion, summarize your discussion and restate your opinion without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Enhance logical structure by using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph followed by supporting sentences that develop the main point. Make use of transition words to improve the flow of ideas and help the reader understand the connection between points.
coherence cohesion
Back up your points with specific examples and explanations. While you've given some general examples, more detailed and specific instances would strengthen your argument. Avoid vague statements and ensure examples are directly relevant to the points you're making.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that your response is complete. You've presented both views and your own opinion, but make sure to develop each fully and clearly. Consistently maintain focus on the task throughout the essay.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in expressing your ideas, with a comprehensive development of your arguments. Avoid overly complex or unclear sentences which can impede the reader's understanding of your points.
task achievement
Including relevant, specific examples within your essay not only supports your claims but also demonstrates your ability to apply your arguments to real-world situations. Be mindful to integrate these effectively within your essay to strengthen your overall task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Global citizenship
  • Cultural diversity
  • Communication skills
  • Historical context
  • World affairs
  • Academic subjects
  • Bias
  • Misinformation
  • Age-appropriate
  • Media literacy
  • Educational enrichment
What to do next:
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