IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that team sports are better for children's development than individual sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 that include teamwork are more efficient for the
development
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 rather than individual
sports
Use synonyms
. Though there are several notable advantages of individual
sports
Use synonyms
, I argue that
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 can be much better
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
development
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
, implying I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion.   On the one hand,
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 provide many important benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 form self-esteem and confidence
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 these play
driver
Correct article usage
a driver
show examples
 role in
children
Use synonyms
’s mental growth. To be specific,
children
Use synonyms
 can play
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
overall
Linking Words
 success and feel that they are able to contribute to the
team
Use synonyms
’s win and
this
Linking Words
, in turn, builds self-confidence in
children
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 help
children
Use synonyms
 improve their social skills. With the help of
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
, they interact more with their teammates, which is considered, by people, as one of the key
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 among
children
Use synonyms
.  
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are lots of pros of individual
sports
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
’s growth. The main plus is the increased focus as long as mental strength. Chess players
are blame
Change the verb form
are blaming
are blamed
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
moves as the key moments come, they have to concentrate more deeply, which improves the mental toughness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 players.
This
Linking Words
 serves as a prime example of the positive impact individual sport
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
 on the
development
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 that mainly lacks in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 poor teammates. Another plus is the greater autonomy that
children
Use synonyms
 can hold their own pace,
be
Correct word choice
and be
show examples
control
Change preposition
in control
show examples
 of themselves
while
Linking Words
 performing as it  makes
children
Use synonyms
 more self-dependent.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 can benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 in terms of
development
Use synonyms
 as they enhance their mental strength and
overall
Linking Words
 focus. I argue that
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
, in turn, are highly recommended for
children
Use synonyms
 thanks to their pros, including improved confidence and more advanced social skills.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: