Some people say that the best to way to improve public health is by increasing number of sports facilities, others, however say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both view and give your opinion

According to
some
people
,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
of
sports
facilities
tends to increase public
health
.
However
, others suggest that there are many other factors to consider other than
sports
facilities
when considering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
. I agree with these opinions and think that increasing the
sports
facilities
and other measures
cause to
Verb problem
will
show examples
improve public
health
. First of all, most
people
do not prefer to do their activities in busy
sports
facilities
. Because there are long queues to reserve the facility
due to
high demand.
Therefore
,
people
usually avoid these
facilities
and do some inactive tasks during their leisure time. Doctors suggest that everybody should follow a kind of
fat burning
Add a hyphen
fat-burning
show examples
activity thirty minutes per day.
For example
, many
people
in the UK reported in
survey
Add an article
the survey
a survey
show examples
, that the crowded workout
facilities
kept them away from attending. That's why to improve
sports
facilities
to improve public
health
.
Secondly
, not only the active lifestyle
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
to
improve
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
health
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. But
also
, healthy food
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
acts
Verb problem
play
show examples
a major role. Many
people
are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
the drawbacks of consuming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast foods. Awareness programs related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
these things need to be held to improve the general knowledge of citizens.
For instance
, a survey showed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
around fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
people
in the United States
consumes
Change the verb form
consume
show examples
fast foods three to four times per week and they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
the bad
health
benefits of them.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that both
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food patterns and
sports
facilities
will help to increase the
health
of the society.
Submitted by kavindagehan17 on

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Task Response
Ensure that the essay addresses all aspects of the given topic and clearly presents both views. Focus on providing a balanced discussion and make sure to give a clear opinion at the end.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing the essay into clear, logical paragraphs with appropriate transitions between ideas. Pay attention to the structure of the introduction and conclusion to ensure they effectively frame the discussion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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