IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
#visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #surveys #visit #two #periods
The piecharts illustrate the
satisfaction
 proportion of
visitors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the Ashdown Museum during their visits in the
year
 before and after the
refurbishment
.
In addition
, the table shows the total number of
visitors
 to the Ashdown Museum before and after the
year
 of its
renovation
.
Overall
, the following
year
 of its
refurbishment
, more
people
 visited the Ashdown Museum.
In addition
, their
satisfaction
 exhibited a significant improvement after its
renovation
. During the
year
 before
renovation
, the total number of
visitors
 was 74-thousand individuals.
Although
 5% of
people
 had no response to their
satisfaction
, 50% of
people
 reported their dissatisfaction through the survey.
While
 15% of the population was very satisfied, 30% of responders were only satisfied during their visits.
On the other hand
, after the period of
refurbishment
, the figure for total
visitors
 surged to
92-thousand
Correct your spelling
92 thousand
people
. After the period of
renovation
, the total dissatisfaction proportion decreased to %20
while
 the total
satisfaction
 ratio saw a massive increase of 40%. Eventually, over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one-third of the
visitors
respond
Change the form of the verb
responded
show examples
 that they were highly satisfied
duing
Correct your spelling
during
 their experience after the
refurbishment
.
Submitted by historicalpen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words satisfaction, visitors, year, refurbishment, renovation, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of visitors
  • refurbishment
  • surveys
  • satisfaction levels
  • overview
  • before and after
  • data
  • before the museum was refurbished
  • after the museum was refurbished
  • survey results
  • satisfaction levels
  • summarize
  • draw a conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: