IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while other think that good working atmosphere is more important, Discuss both views and state your opinion.

7.0 / 9
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Introduction
It is often debated whether people should prioritise higher compensation or a positive working environment when choosing a company.
Although
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 a healthy workplace can improve productivity and encourage employees to stay longer, I believe that a high salary is more important for maintaining a comfortable life and securing a decent future.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, a positive working environment can enhance employees’ performance. When workers feel supported, trusted and comfortable, they are more likely to perform well and continue learning, which helps them develop their skills and abilities.
Moreover
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, a healthy workplace can encourage individuals to remain with the same employer for longer, as they are less likely to feel stressed or consider resigning.
For instance
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, many employees in the UK banking sector only work for their employers for a short period because of stressful and toxic environments, despite receiving relatively high wages.
Therefore
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, a supportive atmosphere can contribute significantly to job satisfaction and employee retention.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I believe that higher pay is more important because it enables people to live comfortably outside the workplace. With inflation increasing the cost of everyday necessities, a well-paid job can help individuals and their families afford essential expenses,
such
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 as rent, groceries and their children’s education. It can
also
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 allow people to enjoy a better quality of life through leisure and travel,
while
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 providing greater financial security for retirement.
For example
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, in Saudi Arabia, employees with higher salaries generally receive higher pension payments after retirement.
Therefore
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, prioritising a financially rewarding position can provide benefits that extend well beyond an individual’s working life.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 a positive working environment can improve performance, professional development and employee retention, I believe that a high salary is more important because it provides financial stability and supports a comfortable lifestyle both during and after employment.

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task response
You discuss both views and clearly give your own view. To make the answer even stronger, explain more fully why money should come before a good work place when the two cannot both be had.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: a good work place helps people do well and stay, while high pay helps with life costs and the future. Add one short point about the limit of high pay, such as how very bad stress can harm a person, then show why you still choose high pay.
task response
The UK and Saudi Arabia examples fit your points. However, they sound very broad. Use a more careful form, such as “some workers” or “in some firms”, or give an example that is clearly a possible case rather than a fact about a whole field or country.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part plan is easy to follow: introduction, one view, the other view, and conclusion. Each body part has a clear main point and stays on that point.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear and natural. You use words such as “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “Therefore” well. Avoid using “Therefore” at the end of every body part if the last sentence mostly repeats the point; make the final sentence add a new result instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold several ideas. Break a few of them into two shorter sentences, especially in the pay paragraph. This will make the key point easier to read.
task response
You answer every part of the question. Your opinion is clear in the introduction and is repeated clearly at the end.
task response
The ideas are relevant and well developed. You explain how a good work place can help people stay, and how higher pay can support daily life and later life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order and strong paragraphing. The reader can follow your argument without effort.
coherence and cohesion
The opening sentences of the body parts guide the reader well: one focuses on the work place and one focuses on pay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • career advancement
  • professional development
  • networking
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • mental health
  • job satisfaction
  • positive work environment
  • valued and supported
  • loyalty to company
  • long-term commitment
  • stress levels
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