IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
#show #household #expenditures #japan #malaysia #year
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts compare the portion of
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent in
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 by
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 in terms of five categories in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it's clear that Housing and Food were the highest expenditures in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,Other goods and Services and Food had the most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
expenses in
Japan
Use synonyms
.
besides
Linking Words
 Transport and Healthcare which
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest proportion of incomes,
also
Linking Words
 the lowest budget in
Japan
Use synonyms
 related to
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
. The numbers demonstrate Other goods and Services had the maximum
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 at 29% and 26% respectively in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
.At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 had the lowest amount of budget with 6% in Health care,
likewise
Linking Words
,the least of all expenditures in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 related to health care at 3%. The pie chart
witnessed
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 there was a difference in the amount
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 transport in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 at 20% and 10% respectively.
Although
Linking Words
 food accounted for 24% in
Japan
Use synonyms
 in comparison with
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 with 27%.
Submitted by kimiaakhyani67 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words malaysia, japan with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • household expenditures
  • proportion
  • cultural differences
  • economic differences
  • living standards
  • real estate market
  • public transportation
  • private transportation
  • infrastructure
  • government healthcare policies
  • quality of life
  • holistic view
  • inflation
  • economic growth
  • societal norms
  • globalization
  • communication expenses
  • education expenses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: