IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts compare the average amount of money family spent in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

The pie charts compare the average amount of money family spent in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
#amount #money #japan #malaysia
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The pie charts compare the average amount of money
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 spent in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious other goods and services wear the highest expenditure in
Japan
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 housing
allocate
Change the verb form
allocates
show examples
 the largest proportion.
Also
Linking Words
, health care in both
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 allocated the lowest number
this
Linking Words
 year. In 2010, spending on other goods and services in
Japan
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 close proportion at 29 % And 26 % respectively. Meantime, in
food
Add a comma
food,
show examples
 both countries’ citizens showed
alike
Correct article usage
a alike
show examples
 percentage. In detail, food In
Japan
Use synonyms
 showed 24% and in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 was 27%.
Malaysia
Use synonyms
’s household expenditure was at 37% of their budget on housing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast Japanese allocated 21% for
this
Linking Words
 prepose. People who live in
Japan
Use synonyms
 spent 20% of their money on transport, which was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
twice time as much as the figure for
Malaysia
Use synonyms
. Expenditures of families in both
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysian
Replace the word
Malaysia
show examples
 were lowest on health care, with 6% and 3% respectively.
Submitted by kimiaakhyani67 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compare" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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