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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today people live longer after retiring from work. What problems does this cause for individuals and society? What can be done?

#people #work #individuals #society
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It is true that
people
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’s lives are longer once they retire from
work
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. Even though
this
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 phenomenon can result from many factors, there are certain solutions to solve it. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the causes behind
this
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 phenomenon and suggest certain solutions to solve it. Many reasons can lead to the fact that society has a couple of
people
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 who do not
work
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. The first cause is that funding of the government has to pay for financial assistance to sustain them for their retirement.
This
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 can
be
Verb problem
bring
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 a rise to the economy of the nation as it requires more tax to provide pensions for retired
people
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.
Furthermore
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, other investments for the country will be cut, which
makes
Wrong verb form
will decrease
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 the development of that country
decrease
Verb problem
apply
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. Another factor is that it is easy to have a weak immune system, thereby struggling for low-income families to treat diseases.
As a result
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, they have to bear the very expensive cost of hospital and can end up in debt for the rest of their life. Various measures,
however
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, can be implemented to tackle these issues. One solution can be that workers can pay retirement funds, which help them sustain elderly communication throughout their retirement.
Additionally
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, the government can invest in other budgets without burdening financial assistance to those
people
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 . The second approach is increasing the pullout age or allowing elderly
people
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 to
work
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 part-time jobs.
This
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 can help those who can
work
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 to offer them the opportunity to not only have a living money without the assistance of the government but
also
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increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 taxes will far from happen. In conclusion,
although
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this
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 situation can result from a number of causes, steps can be taken to mitigate it.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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