Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. While others think that they can establish a minority community instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #immigrants #culture #country #minority #community

Nowadays, migrating to another

country

is becoming more common.

However

, there are conflicting views on which

culture

should travellers

intregrate

Correct your spelling

integrate

. A few communities believe that it should be the local

culture

while

others view that migrants should introduce a cultural

group

instead

This

essay will discuss both ways of thinking

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and my personal view. Learning the traditional values of a new

country

is beneficial to individuals

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since it provides awareness to immigrants on why citizens behave the way they do.

For example

, if an Asian

moved

Wrong verb form

moves

show examples

to a European

country

, they can experience a

culture

shock, as Europeans can be more direct.

Moreover

, adjusting to a new

country

culture

shows someone's strong respect

Change preposition

for

show examples

the place that immigrants choose to live in.

Therefore

, advocating for newcomers to learn the local

culture

is essential.

On the other hand

, establishing a minority community may have

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

effect

Change preposition

show examples

newcomers.

First,

cultural

Add an article

the cultural

show examples

group

allows each community to keep their values intact. Since they move to a different

country

, parents can introduce their

tradition

Fix the agreement mistake

traditions

show examples

to their children and to the next generation.

Furthermore

, the small

group

can provide support to individuals

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

recently migrated to the

country

by allowing them to build a network.

Thus

, having a minority

group

can come

handy

Change preposition

in handy

show examples

for both locals and newcomers.

To conclude

, there are conflicting views on which

culture

immigrant

Fix the agreement mistake

immigrants

show examples

should practice. Both views have positive effects

Change preposition

show examples

the community. In my opinion, immigrants should learn the

culture

of the

country

they

travelled

Wrong verb form

travel

show examples

to, but should still be given the right to keep their

tradition

Fix the agreement mistake

traditions

show examples

Submitted by ronica.adriano on Sat Oct 21 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. While others think that they can establish a minority community instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Crime rates will fall as advances in technology make it easier to detect and prevent crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? #cr

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money

the chart showws components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000 summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.