IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The developed
countries
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such
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 as the United Kingdom, the USA and Canada imparted money to underdeveloped nations to help them out. Certain people believe that it is better to give others measures
instead
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 of charity funds. I strongly agree with the statement. To commence with, the proponents believe that getting other measures
instead
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 of money is a good notion towards development.
Firstly
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, there is an increased ratio of illiteracy in underdeveloped states so it is integral for them to build education sectors and provide higher studies.
Moreover
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, students who can not afford the expenses of academics.
Therefore
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, developed
countries
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 should provide them with scholarships and sponsorships for their higher level of studies.
As a result
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, they return back to their hometowns and serve their native
country
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 in a more efficient way.
For example
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, students who choose foreign realms for Masters and PhDs have worked pragmatically and in
this
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 way economy increased.
Additionally
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, the supply of medical forces, treatments and equipment is another measure that poorer
countries
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 require.
For instance
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, In COVID-19, developed
countries
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 imparted other
countries
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 with vaccines to control the aftermaths of
this
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 situation and save the
country
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 from
further
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 deterioration.
On the other hand
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, people who are against the notion.
Firstly
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, financial support from other
countries
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 has a huge impact on the
country
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's financial condition as it ameliorates the the life of poor.
Furthermore
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, money is one of the major assets behind anything to improve and build. it
also
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 creates a major difference in underdeveloped areas.
For example
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, In 2005, there was an earthquake in northern areas of Pakistan and the consequence of
this
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 the houses were demolished. there were a lot of funds that came from the UK and America for needy people.
Hence
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, native citizens can build their houses in the least amount of time. In conclusion,
Although
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 funds from developed
countries
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 have played a vital role in development.
However
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, another form of help in terms of education and medical intervention has benefited the
country
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 a long way.

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coherence cohesion
Work on a clearer structure for the essay. Ensure each paragraph has a specific focus, and transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction provides a clearer roadmap of the main points to be discussed. Also, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main arguments presented in the essay.
task achievement
While relevant examples are provided, some examples felt slightly rushed. Ensure that every example is explained in the context of the main point it's supporting.
task achievement
Address counterarguments more extensively and refute them effectively to strengthen your position. This will help demonstrate a more thorough exploration of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses different aspects of the topic, covering both why other forms of aid might be more beneficial and why some still consider financial aid important. This helps to show a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, particularly the ones about education scholarships and foreign aid during natural disasters.
coherence cohesion
The language used is clear and there are few grammatical mistakes, demonstrating a good command of English.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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