IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age this is called peer pressure. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

#people #behaviours #situations #age #peer #pressure
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Peer
pressure
 is a situation where many youngsters influence
one
 another behaviours. Teenagers,
one
 of the crucial ages in the community, are often seen to have
peer
pressure
 in order to have friends.
This
 event can be beneficial for them but at the same time, some negative manners can happen.
Peer
pressure
 can be a source of motivation and inspiration for high schoolers. In the exam week, they are often trying to compete in a positive way.
For instance
, a group of students will study together and motivate each other to complete the exam week.
This
 is proof that
peer
pressure
 can have a good outcome.
On the other hand
, some individuals are trying to influence
one
's to do negative actions.
This
 incident will lead to bullying.
For example
, a schoolboy tried to be friends with a certain community in his school but ended up getting bullied because he was not rich enough.
This
 is a true reality we are often seen these days.
Moreover
, it will affect the boy's self-esteem and can hinder his personal growth. Take a look at another example. Children with high curiosity will continually find risky behaviours attractive. Some will lead to doing drugs or even worse. In conclusion, I think the disadvantages of
peer
pressure
 can outweigh the advantages of it because some attitudes will guide
one
 to danger. Children will be more influenced by
this
 event.
However
, few groups can motivate
one
 another.
Submitted by gabriellakarin_ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: