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Writing Samples
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large amount numbers of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situatuion outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #amount #numbers #adults #people #situatuion
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The world's
population
 varies by country and age, with various distribution ratios. Some
countries
' populations consist of significantly young adults compared to elderly
people
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss relevant ideas and in the long run, I believe that having a relatively low age average is much better compared to having an elderly
population
. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
people
 are the memory of society,
in other words
, their life experiences may be useful guides for the next generation. To illustrate, how to do some agricultural jobs can be acquired from elderly
people
. Namely, elderly
people
 have a relatively broad knowledge of the climate, and structure of the soil and they are more familiar with seeds and weather conditions.
Therefore
,
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation may not find
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
 information in the agricultural books. Eventually, having an elderly
population
 can be beneficial in
such
 cases for
countries
.
On the other hand
, the labour force is relatively related to number of the young
people
 in the
population
. Physically demanding jobs are always important and young adults can handle them conveniently compared to elderly
people
.
Furthermore
, the development of the technological world has been affecting the business sector these days.
In addition
, robotic devices, coding, and software have significantly changed to
out of dated
Correct your spelling
out-of-date
show examples
 jobs. In order to catch these trends young generations, have more chances compared to elderly
people
 because their educational background has been designed with a modern approach. Namely, young adults can be versatile in terms of many aspects and changing conditions do not crucially affect them thanks to their adaptation abilities.
To sum up
, some
countries
 have various advantages in terms of business aspects because of their relatively young adult
population
 compared to other
countries
 which have elderly populations
Submitted by hburakdisli on

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Task Response
Ensure that your ideas are directly relevant to the topic and fully address the task prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and cohesive devices to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to include more precise and varied expressions, especially in discussing complex ideas.
Grammatical Range
Work on using more complex sentence structures and a wider range of grammatical forms to demonstrate a more sophisticated level of English.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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