Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some say that a successful lifestyle depends on hard work and determination,
while
others would argue that Linking Words
money
and physical aspects are more important. Use synonyms
This
essay would argue that Linking Words
although
rich Linking Words
people
can do more activities, Use synonyms
individuals
need to learn new things.
On the one hand, appearance is important for some jobs and Use synonyms
money
, can offer Use synonyms
people
better studies. Use synonyms
This
is because they can offer their children a better future since the kids will be in one of the best schools and be able to do extracurricular activities. Linking Words
Also
, workers Linking Words
such
as actors and idols, gain Linking Words
money
by their aspect and body shape, if they do not stand out in these areas, they are unable to get financial resources. Use synonyms
For example
, in Korea being a celebrity is very difficult and competitive, if someone does not have a good physical aspect, will be rejected directly. Linking Words
However
, I believe that success in life can be obtained from other factors, not only Linking Words
money
and physical appearance.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, Linking Words
people
can get a lot when working hard and with determination. Use synonyms
Individuals
need to learn about several things so they can succeed in what they like to do, in Use synonyms
this
way they are prepared for everything that might happen in the future and they can solve it with their knowledge. Working hard will help Linking Words
individuals
stand out from the Use synonyms
people
who studied for the same degree, so when they need to look for a job, hard-working Use synonyms
people
will have an advantage and will be the first ones to be selected. Recent research concluded that 90% of Use synonyms
people
who had good grades have been able to enter their first choice university and company. I believe that Use synonyms
this
point of view is preferable because hard-working Linking Words
people
will do their best to get what they want.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
although
some jobs only Linking Words
people
with good physical looks can do and Use synonyms
money
can give Use synonyms
individuals
an advantage at school, Use synonyms
individuals
who work hard are able to face everything to get to their goal, and Use synonyms
that is
why I am of the opinion of hard-working and determination will make Linking Words
people
to success.Use synonyms
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
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Task Response
Your essay addresses both views, but the arguments are not fully developed. Expand on each point to provide more detailed arguments and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat clear, but there is room for improvement in organizing your ideas for a more cohesive argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?