Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some say that a successful lifestyle depends on hard work and determination,
while
others would argue that money
and physical aspects are more important. This
essay would argue that although
rich people
can do more activities, individuals
need to learn new things.
On the one hand, appearance is important for some jobs and money
, can offer people
better studies. This
is because they can offer their children a better future since the kids will be in one of the best schools and be able to do extracurricular activities. Also
, workers such
as actors and idols, gain money
by their aspect and body shape, if they do not stand out in these areas, they are unable to get financial resources. For example
, in Korea being a celebrity is very difficult and competitive, if someone does not have a good physical aspect, will be rejected directly. However
, I believe that success in life can be obtained from other factors, not only money
and physical appearance.
On the other hand
, people
can get a lot when working hard and with determination. Individuals
need to learn about several things so they can succeed in what they like to do, in this
way they are prepared for everything that might happen in the future and they can solve it with their knowledge. Working hard will help individuals
stand out from the people
who studied for the same degree, so when they need to look for a job, hard-working people
will have an advantage and will be the first ones to be selected. Recent research concluded that 90% of people
who had good grades have been able to enter their first choice university and company. I believe that this
point of view is preferable because hard-working people
will do their best to get what they want.
In conclusion, although
some jobs only people
with good physical looks can do and money
can give individuals
an advantage at school, individuals
who work hard are able to face everything to get to their goal, and that is
why I am of the opinion of hard-working and determination will make people
to success.Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
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Task Response
Your essay addresses both views, but the arguments are not fully developed. Expand on each point to provide more detailed arguments and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat clear, but there is room for improvement in organizing your ideas for a more cohesive argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?