IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the preferred leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 of Australian children aged 5 to 14.
Overall
Linking Words
, watching TV or videos is the most popular activity,
while
Linking Words
 skateboarding or rollerblading is the least popular.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
boys
Use synonyms
 participate more in bike riding and electronic or computer games compared to
girls
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
girls
Use synonyms
 engage more in
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
 and
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
. In detail, all children, both
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
, prefer watching TV or videos in their free time, with 100% participation.
In contrast
Linking Words
, skateboarding or rollerblading is less appealing, with only about 20% of
girls
Use synonyms
 and 40% of
boys
Use synonyms
 participating in it. For bike riding and electronic or computer games, about 76% of
boys
Use synonyms
 and more than 80% of
boys
Use synonyms
 engage in these
activities
Use synonyms
, respectively. In comparison, approximately 60% of
girls
Use synonyms
 participate in these
activities
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
 and
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 are more popular among
girls
Use synonyms
, with around 60% participation, compared to 35% of
boys
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, boys, girls with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activities
  • favored
  • noteworthy trends
  • disparities
  • participating
  • popularity
  • demographics
  • speculating
  • surprising findings
  • technological advancements
  • societal changes
  • promotional efforts
  • educational planning
  • balanced lifestyle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: