IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define*. What factors are important in achieving happiness.?

#happiness #life #define* #factors
Staying optimistic and content has a significant role in one's life;
however
, the choice of how to be happy varies from person to person, relying on various idiosyncratic aspects.
This
 essay will emphasize; why it is hard to set the exact definition of
happiness
 and what elements can make an individual's journey into euphoria.
Firstly
, several famous researchers failed to write a true statement about
happiness
 owing to the fact that
people
's selection is different;
for example
, the majority of women love to visit markets and buy clothes, shoes, and jewellery,
whereas
 men want to have expensive cars, an appropriate bank balance, and a lavish home.
Thus
, it figures out that defining
happiness
 is perplexing, as it belongs differently to varied ages of
people
.
Secondly
, there are a plethora of factors that play a major part in a joyful life. First of all, we talk about spirituality. Various
people
 have blind faith in their God, and they get stuck in their lives and go through tests and trials. They pray to their Lord, and
this
 makes them positive.
Additionally
, if we focus on youth, their
happiness
 is in buying the most recent mobiles, cars, and clothes. Other elements may include relationships, workouts, long drives, watching movies, reading books, scoring highly in exams, visiting parks, markets, and void places, etc. It is fair
to conclude
 that
people
 have a peculiarity in order to stay happy, and their way of getting pleasure is different for everyone, which challenges the writers and authors to write down the correct notion regarding being delighted.
Submitted by sh.mariakhan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and material, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improved flow and more logical development of thoughts. Try to use more cohesive devices and aim for a more effective organisational structure, ensuring ideas are closely linked and transition smoothly.
task achievement
Your answer broadly addresses all parts of the task. You provided clear and relevant answers, but in some places more detail and reasoning would be beneficial. Strive to elaborate your ideas in a bit more detail, using evidence or examples to explain and support your points. This will increase depth and credibility, building a more convincing argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: