IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Social media helps people to keep in touch with friends and stay on top of news and events. Do you think the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #people #touch #friends #news #events
Using Social
media
, individuals these days, keep themselves informed of the latest information and events around them,
while
 at the same time keeping in close contact with their
friends
 and family members. In my opinion, I believe the advantages brought by social
media
 of increased convenience and effectiveness far outweigh any minor shortcomings that it might bring. On the one hand, social
media
 does pose concerns of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
superficial friendship and family relationships.
People
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 are becoming overly reliant on social
media
 and not keeping abreast with their
friends
 by meeting them in person.
This
, in the long run, is the leading reason for an individual’s decreasing number of quality
friends
 and merely remaining
to
Correct your spelling
too
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 many online
name sake
Add a hyphen
name-sake
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friends
.
Furthermore
, social
media
 brings with it the rising possibility of spreading false information.
For instance
, during the COVID-19,
people
 assumed that
virus
Correct article usage
the virus
show examples
 was caused by eating snakes
and
Correct word choice
which
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 took
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 and social platforms by storm. At times,
this
 can prove detrimental not just to friendship between nations, but
also
 cause global war and outcry.
Nevertheless
, despite the disadvantages mentioned above, social
media
 does pose numerous benefits.
Firstly
, humans can connect with each other with just a tap of the button on social websites
quite
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more
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 reliably than any other traditional means of communication. India,
for instance
, has benefitted the most, as foreign students keep close communication with
friends
 motivating them to pursue higher education
,
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apply
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while
 being in touch with their parents day in and day out.
Secondly
, the effectiveness and
reliabilty
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reliability
 of social
media
is
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are
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 unparalleled. Online websites hosted on
internet
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the internet
show examples
operates
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operate
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 uninterruptedly,
while
 telephone transmission might fail
due to
 weather reasons.
Additionally
,
using
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by using
show examples
 social
media
,
people
 can keep themselves updated about the
lastest
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latest
show examples
 developments happening across the world without spending financially on newspapers and magazines. In conclusion, the positive aspects of enhanced information sharing,
along with
 the ease
in
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of
show examples
 connecting with
people
, prove far superior
than
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to
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 any downsides it might have.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body and conclusion. There is, indeed, coherence between your paragraphs. Nevertheless, there are a few sentences where ideas could be linked more effectively. Using cohesive devices such as conjunctions, discourse markers and linkers will improve your essay’s flow and make it easier to follow.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media and providing your opinion. However, there could be more depth in some of your ideas. Your examples and arguments are valid, but to strengthen your ideas, considering incorporating more complex reasoning or nuanced examples.
lexical resource
You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary, expressing your ideas effectively. However, you can still work on developing your lexical resource by incorporating more idiomatic language, collocations, and varying your word choice in order to avoid repetition and demonstrate your ability to express ideas in different ways.
grammatical range accuracy
Your grammar is generally accurate, and you have demonstrated a fair range of grammatical structures. However, there are some minor errors and sentences that may sound a bit awkward. Aim to vary your sentence structures and ensure subject-verb agreement to showcase your command over English grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instantaneous communication
  • geographical barriers
  • information hub
  • breaking news
  • educational content
  • professional networking
  • industry experts
  • community support
  • privacy infringement
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • mental wellbeing
  • social comparison
  • online validation
  • cyberbullying
  • detriments
  • vulnerable individuals
What to do next:
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