IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that if a child commits a crime, he or she should be punished, while others think it is the child’s parent who should be punished. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #child #crime #child’s #parent
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often held that a child should be sentenced for wrongdoings,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it should be their parents
instead
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views in detail and argue in favour of the former. On the one hand, those who prioritise punishment for
children
Use synonyms
 view it as a learning experience.
That is
Linking Words
 the young can learn about the consequences of breaking the law.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a teenager is not sentenced for shoplifting
then
Linking Words
 they will continue doing it as a 'normal' act.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is fundamental that minors are taught the importance of following the law and the severe effects
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 breaking them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others prioritise
responsibilities
Correct article usage
the responsibilities
show examples
 of the parents more than the little ones. They argue that infants are not legally responsible for their actions because they are minors; they have not reached maturity to make independent decisions. To illustrate, a child consenting for an alcoholic drink cannot be legally accepted, unless their guardian consents to it on their behalf. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the adult is responsible for making a reckless decision and should be sentenced
due to
Linking Words
 not supervising their
children
Use synonyms
 appropriately. In my opinion, I believe that the young should be sentenced in order to learn from their errors.
Thus
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 can develop better when they understand the gravity of their actions and can be deterred from committing wrongs in the future. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 parents are responsible for looking after their small ones, I think that
children
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be responsible for their wrong actions by facing appropriate punishments.
Submitted by Mazam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved. Consider using clearer signposting in order to make the flow of ideas more coherent.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented. Ensure that the main points are supported with strong arguments throughout the essay.
lexical resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, demonstrating a good range of lexical resource. Continue to expand your vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
The grammatical range and accuracy is generally good, but there are some minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • commit a crime
  • be punished
  • hold someone accountable
  • deter
  • similar crimes
  • responsibility
  • consequences
  • shape behavior
  • guidance
  • supervision
  • nurturing environment
  • fulfill parenting duties
  • deterrent
  • motivate
  • accountable
  • criminal behavior
  • teach about responsibility
  • address shortcomings
  • parenting abilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: