The media is increasing interest in famous people who have ordinary backgrounds. Why do you think people are interested in their lives? Do you think this is a good thing?
Many argue that the interest in media is increasing in famous regular and ordinary backgrounds nowadays.
This
essay will discuss first my thoughts on why people are interested in their kind of activity, and second the reason for the goodness of it, straight to my opinion in summary.
First,
I think the public really wants to know other people's lives , especially in the past because of their habits of being curious about other's past. Moreover
, it is like fear of missing out on other people’s information. However
, humans are more like to know the the struggle of those who have ordinary backgrounds until they are successful. For example
, in my country in Indonesia, many channels especially night shows show the population who have a regular activities in the past. It is a good thing to show how they are fighting for their life.
Furthermore
, there are a lot of benefits of knowing their activities in their previous lives, as the watcher can learn something from their speech. For instance
, they can tell their stories, starting when they did not have a good economy and how they struggled for their life until they became a rich person. Therefore
, a lot of the crowd would be inspired by their stories and perhaps start to follow the path that those populations had.
In summary, knowing people's situations in the past is not really that bad. Thus
, it could encourage those who are trying to make their lives better and is very useful for someone who has listened to them.Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay shows a good flow of ideas and a clear structure, it sometimes seems a bit confusing. Logical connections between sentences could be stronger. To overcome this, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting ideas that refer back to the main idea.
task achievement
You’ve done a good job in responding to the task completely and presenting your ideas in a comprehensive way. However, work on making your examples more specific and tightly related to your main points. This will further support your arguments and make your essay more compelling.
lexical resource
Your lexical resource is quite good among the entire essay, displaying a range of vocabulary. However, be careful with repetitions and redundant use of words (e.g., the repetition of 'their life' in the second and third paragraphs).
grammatical range accuracy
Your essay shows a good command of grammatical structures with only minor errors. However, try to vary your sentence structure more to demonstrate your grammatical range. Also, work on using more complex sentences and varying your linkers to show your grammatical competence.
