The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
The line graph provides information in percentage units about the
citizens
which were located in cities of four Asian
countries
during fifty years time period
started
Change the form of the verb
starting
show examples
from 1970.
Also
, it shows the possible future data for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, it’s noticeable the most significant increases up to 2020 were observed in two
countries
: Malaysia and Indonesia.
On the other hand
, the most minor changes were applied to
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
and Thailand.
However
, the prediction for the
citizens
of all mentioned
countries
has the same upward trend between them. The Malaysian
population
had a gradual increase during 20 years period
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
from 1970 (
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
increased from 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
to 45
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
). Afterwards, the information shows that the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of Malaysian
citizens
rose rapidly from 45
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
population
to 75
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
during 30 years from the previous jump.
Furthermore
, there was a
sharply
Change the word
sharp
show examples
climb in
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
of Indonesian residents from 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
to 55
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
approximately during
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the period until 2020. The minor changes can be reviewed
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
a group of Thailand
citizens
. There
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
climb from 18
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
to around 31
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
up to 2020. The same situation can be observed in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
where the quantity of
population
went up moderately from around 32
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
to 46
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
approximately until 2020. The predictions have an upward trend with
Correct article usage
a significantly
show examples
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
show examples
increase which spreads out to all four mentioned
countries
. In
this
case, the
population
will increase by 20% for each country from 2020 to 2040.
Submitted by fedorusa2016 on

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
Vocabulary: Replace the words citizens, countries, population, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "climb" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
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