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Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
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The line graph provides information in percentage units about the
citizens
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 which were located in cities of four Asian
countries
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 during fifty years time period
started
Change the form of the verb
starting
show examples
 from 1970.
Also
Linking Words
, it shows the possible future data for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
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, it’s noticeable the most significant increases up to 2020 were observed in two
countries
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: Malaysia and Indonesia.
On the other hand
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, the most minor changes were applied to
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 and Thailand.
However
Linking Words
, the prediction for the
citizens
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 of all mentioned
countries
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 has the same upward trend between them. The Malaysian
population
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 had a gradual increase during 20 years period
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from 1970 (
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
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 increased from 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 45
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
). Afterwards, the information shows that the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of Malaysian
citizens
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 rose rapidly from 45
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 to 75
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 during 30 years from the previous jump.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was a
sharply
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sharp
show examples
 climb in
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of Indonesian residents from 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 55
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 approximately during
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the period until 2020. The minor changes can be reviewed
in
Change preposition
by
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 a group of Thailand
citizens
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. There
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 climb from 18
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to around 31
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 up to 2020. The same situation can be observed in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 where the quantity of
population
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 went up moderately from around 32
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 46
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 approximately until 2020. The predictions have an upward trend with
Correct article usage
a significantly
show examples
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
show examples
 increase which spreads out to all four mentioned
countries
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. In
this
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 case, the
population
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 will increase by 20% for each country from 2020 to 2040.
Submitted by fedorusa2016 on

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words citizens, countries, population, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "climb" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
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