IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
#process #sugar #cane
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The
process
Use synonyms
 graph provides the stages of creating
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process
Add an article
a process
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 for making
sugar
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 from
sugar
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 cane.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the stages of
manufacturing
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the manufacturing
a manufacturing
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process
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 can be separated into several groups: some of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 are realised by biological laws and by physical labour of employees
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 use special
equipment
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the final steps are realised by chemical and physical processes within production
equipment
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
process
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 contains 7 stages in total. The first stage is related to biological laws and
presented
Add a missing verb
is presented
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 by growing
sugar
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 canes (it takes from 12 to 18 months). Afterwards, the plants are harvested by employees
within
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apply
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using the
equipment
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.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the
sugar
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canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 ground by special
equipment
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 to get the juice. Later, the juice is purified by
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
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 filter.
On
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In
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 the
5-th
Correct your spelling
5th
stage
Add a comma
stage,
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 the purified juice goes into
evaporator
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the evaporator
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 where it’s become
to
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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syrup by heat. During
this
Linking Words
 time the syrup is influenced by centrifuge which leads to the separation
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sugar
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of sugar
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 crystals from the syrup. Eventually, the
sugar
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 is dried and cooled by the
equipment
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.
Submitted by fedorusa2016 on

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, equipment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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