IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
process
Use synonyms
 graph provides the stages of creating
Use synonyms
process
Add an article
a process
show examples
 for making
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the stages of
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing
a manufacturing
show examples
process
Use synonyms
 can be separated into several groups: some of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are realised by biological laws and by physical labour of employees
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 use special
equipment
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the final steps are realised by chemical and physical processes within production
equipment
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
process
Use synonyms
 contains 7 stages in total. The first stage is related to biological laws and
presented
Add a missing verb
is presented
show examples
 by growing
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes (it takes from 12 to 18 months). Afterwards, the plants are harvested by employees
within
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using the
equipment
Use synonyms
.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 ground by special
equipment
Use synonyms
 to get the juice. Later, the juice is purified by
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
show examples
 filter.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
5-th
Correct your spelling
5th
stage
Add a comma
stage,
show examples
 the purified juice goes into
evaporator
Add an article
the evaporator
show examples
 where it’s become
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
syrup by heat. During
this
Linking Words
 time the syrup is influenced by centrifuge which leads to the separation
Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
show examples
 crystals from the syrup. Eventually, the
sugar
Use synonyms
 is dried and cooled by the
equipment
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Contractions: Don't use contractions.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar, equipment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: