IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #information #features #comparisons
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Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 two line charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of households
hold of
Wrong verb form
holding
show examples
 three kinds of electrical appliances,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 the time per family
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 housework each week.
Overall
Linking Words
, all kinds of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electrical
appliances'
Change noun form
appliances
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 hold in family
rise
Wrong verb form
risen
show examples
 in the past century, and the average work hours
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 housework continued to drop in the past hundreds of years. Unlike
Use synonyms
Refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
Refrigerators
show examples
 and Vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 continued to climb in the past century, washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 experience rises and falls. In 1920,
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
 hold of Vacuum Cleaner
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 30
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 higher than
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
, but after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
it's sharply increase
Change the verb form
it's sharply increased
it's sharply increasing
show examples
 to nearly 90% in 1960,
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 just about 70%. The growth speed of both
appliance
Change to a plural noun
appliances
show examples
 has slowed down compared with
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1960(Vacuum cleaner) and 2000 (
Refrigerator
Use synonyms
).
Washing
Correct article usage
The washing
show examples
 machine
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a slight gap higher than
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Add an article
a refrigerator
the refrigerator
show examples
, but it has
facing
Change the form of the verb
faced
show examples
 ups and downs. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of its holding rate
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slowly increased and
reach
Change the verb form
reached
show examples
 its peak
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1960, which
just
Add a missing verb
was just
show examples
 at the same level
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
. After a slight decrease in 1980, it stabilizes and slowly
growth
Replace the word
grows
show examples
 into about 70% in 2019. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of average hours per household
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 per week
keeping
Verb problem
has continued
show examples
 to decrease in the past hundred years.
At
Change preposition
From
show examples
 1920 to 1960 the number of housework times per family per week sharply
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 from 50%
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20%, which has
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 tendency as electrical
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
show examples
, but
in contrast
Linking Words
.
Then
Linking Words
 the decline speed
slow
Wrong verb form
slowed
show examples
 down and stably
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 from 20%
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 10%(2019).
Submitted by 18922251299 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, refrigerator with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership of electrical appliances
  • steadily increased
  • dramatically decreased
  • correlating the rise
  • became common
  • households
  • prevalence
  • technological advancements
  • increased affordability
  • household chores
  • labor-saving devices
  • allocated for housework
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