IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #control #amount #violence #films #television #decrease #crimes #society
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Entertainment is one of the most important aspects of people since
time
Use synonyms
 immemorial. In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, there are plenty of ways to get entertained. It is often said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the
violence
Use synonyms
 in the
movies
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
telivision
Correct your spelling
television
 shows
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 influencing
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Therefore
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, authorities should take
initiative
Correct article usage
the initiative
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 to reduce it. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 partially agree with
this
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 statement
due to
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 several reasons.
Movies
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
Telivision
Correct your spelling
Television
 shows are undoubtedly playing a key role in terms of entertainment.
Firstly
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,
Although
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 there are many other
mode
Change to a plural noun
modes
show examples
 of free
time
Use synonyms
 activities, a huge number of people always prefer to spend on those gadgets. Because it is not just
only
Rephrase
apply
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for the
time
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pass
Correct subject-verb agreement
passes
show examples
, but it
is
Verb problem
apply
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also
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providing
Wrong verb form
provides
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 vast area of knowledge.
Secondly
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, many
Use synonyms
telivision
Correct your spelling
television
 programs have been producing meaningful
content
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, which positively
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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children.
For instance
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, there is a TV show named Mahabharat in India,
takes
Correct pronoun usage
that takes
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 attention in terms of its
content
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, which they are educated about the ancient Indian culture through animation.
Finally
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, when a person
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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thinks about
the
Correct pronoun usage
it the
show examples
time
Use synonyms
pass
Correct subject-verb agreement
passes
show examples
, he or she most probably
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
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 to watch a movie.
On the other hand
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 negatively affected by films
as well as
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 TV shows.
Initially
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,
violence
Use synonyms
coupled with
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 vulgar greatly influential to its audience, especially the young ones.
As a result
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, in many cases, teenagers try to imitate the same to the public as they saw in the
movies
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, there should be
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper scrutiny
about
Change preposition
of
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 any kind of
movies
Use synonyms
 or TV shows from the side of authorities.
For example
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,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
 broadcast department only
accept
Change the verb form
accepts
show examples
 video output, if it
is
Verb problem
does
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 not
included
Wrong verb form
include
show examples
Use synonyms
violence
Replace the word
violent
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content
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, they must encourage film creators who well-known in terms of their past creations In conclusion,
although
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audience
Add an article
the audience
show examples
 can be influenced by
violence
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 included in the
movies
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
telivision
Correct your spelling
television
 shows, it just cannot be banned. I would argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 only governments are able to
cross check
Add a hyphen
cross-check
show examples
 the
content
Use synonyms
 and if it is harmful, those shows should
ban
Wrong verb form
be banned
show examples
.
Submitted by shahinka.687 on

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