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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that young people today are too dependent on technology such as computers, tablets, and cell phones. Others disagree and believe that technology is beneficial for young people's development. state your opinion

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Introduction
Some people might argue that
teenagers
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 nowadays rely too heavily on
technology
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,
whereas
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 others believe that
technology
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 has some benefits in education for
teenagers
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. In my view,
technology
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 has both benefits and drawbacks. It can make learning easier and offers a variety of ways to learn, but
teenagers
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 can easily be distracted by notifications.
Body paragraph 1
Spending a significant amount of time on
technology
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 has some effects on
teenagers
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,
such
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 as dry eyes. Dry eyes can develop when people do not blink regularly, and they may cause pain or discomfort.
Moreover
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,
teenagers
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 can easily be distracted by discomfort or by their phones.
For example
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, a teenager may be studying when they suddenly receive a message from a friend. They start chatting and never finish revising for the exam.
This
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 can lead to lower grades, which may affect their future opportunities. Some have become so dependent on
technology
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 that they struggle with simple tasks without it,
such
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 as basic calculations or spelling without autocorrect.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, when used properly,
technology
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 can be a powerful tool for education.
Technology
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 offers a variety of ways to learn.
For example
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, a teenager who does not understand their teacher's explanation can search online for the same lesson. They can
also
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 pause the video at any time, which makes learning more flexible.
This
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 can stop them from giving up on school, as they realise the problem was the teacher's explanation rather than their own ability.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
technology
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 has both benefits and drawbacks for
teenagers
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. It makes learning more flexible and accessible, but it can
also
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 harm their health and distract them from their studies, so it should be used in moderation.

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task response
Your view is clear, but make it stronger from the start. Say if you think the good sides are greater than the bad sides, or if both are equal. This will make your answer more direct.
task response
Give one more clear reason for the good side of technology. For example, you could write about how it helps young people work with others, find facts fast, or learn new skills.
task response
Some points need more care. Dry eyes are linked to long screen time, but they are not the main reason young people depend on technology. Focus more on loss of focus, less face-to-face time, and less practice of basic skills.
task response
Your examples are useful. Make the link to your main point even clearer after each one. For example, explain how the message example shows that phone use can hurt study time.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: bad sides, good sides, then a short end. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer topic sentence at the start of each main part. For example: “One main problem is that phones can take students away from their work.”
coherence and cohesion
A few links are not fully clear. In the first main part, “distracted by discomfort or by their phones” mixes two ideas. Put health problems and phone alerts in separate sentences or parts.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the flow of ideas: “First,” “Also,” “For this reason,” “On the other hand,” and “As a result.” Do not use too many.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view. Your ideas about flexible learning and phone alerts are on-topic.
task response
The online-video example is clear and easy to understand. It shows how technology can help a student learn in a different way.
coherence and cohesion
Your first and last parts clearly show the main idea of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one main focus, and the examples usually fit the point before them.
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