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Band 5

some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. others However, say they life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views amd give your own opinion.

#people #world #life #amd
They are two different
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
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, the first of them
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is some
people
 think when they become elderly nowadays it's more
diffuclt
Correct your spelling
difficult
 and bad.
Besides
,
another side
Replace the word
on the other hand
show examples
 some
people
 think it's much better the life thid days for getting old. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will draw my personal conclusion. On the one hand, some
people
 think it's bad to become elderly nowadays. First of all, they think because nowadays they will
cannot
Remove a modal verb
not
show examples
 go outside to take
freash
Correct your spelling
fresh
 air same
in
Change preposition
as in
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 the past because nowadays the air it's become not cleaner because they are a
lot
 of transport and factory pollution.
Also
, maybe they think they cannot go
where ever
Correct your spelling
wherever
show examples
 they want because there will be a
lot
 of
noises
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noise
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 and
crowded
Wrong verb form
crowds
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.
However
, maybe they believe they will be tired whole the time because nowadays
whereever
Correct your spelling
wherever
where ever
 you go the place it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 bigger.
On the other hand
,
another
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other
show examples
people
 think
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 that they believe it's good to
getting
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get
show examples
 old
in
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apply
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these days.
In addition
, they think nowadays have
a
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apply
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modern medicine and more
hospital
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hospitals
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also
 doctors than past because when they become elderly they will have a
lot
 of
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their health and body and that's
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 thing for them.
However
, they believe these days not necessary to go mall
for buying
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to buy
show examples
 anything because now we have online shopping we can buy
what ever
Correct your spelling
whatever
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 we want and
they
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 can avoid
crowded
Replace the word
crowds
show examples
 and
noises
Fix the agreement mistake
noise
show examples
.
Also
, they think nowadays they can travel to
other country mote
Change the wording
another country mote
other country motes
show examples
 quite and they will feel comfortable.
However
, nowadays the government give the elderly
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 without
they
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their
show examples
 work.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion, in my opinion
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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first
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think nowadays it's
good
Correct word choice
better
show examples
 for elderly
peoplr
Correct your spelling
people
 than past because now we have a
lot
 of
thing
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things
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 to help them.
Also
, I believe the government should
built
Change the verb form
build
be built
show examples
 some place
for
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so
show examples
 that
people
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
show examples
 else can join there
such
 as
paro
Correct article usage
a paro
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 or mall
also
Correct word choice
and also
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resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 that will be more interesting for them.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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