Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some say that
music
's primary purpose is to lower the level of uneasiness and tension. I strongly disagree with this
statement because I believe that music
can also
boost creativity and it help
to express Change the verb form
helps
feelings
.
For some people, they need tunes to help them boost their creativity. This
is because the music
is often contained with lots of melody, rhythm, and sounds which send signals to our body to create endorphins for the brain. Furthermore
, this
endorphin is one of the chemical substances in the human body that can amplify our inventiveness. Research conducted by the University of Edinburgh said that creativity is increased by 20% each time individuals play tunes while
doing their job.
Moreover
, some folks also
use songs to communicate feelings
. This
is because a song often makes a person feel attached to it
moods and when we sing out loud of that song it helps us to show how our emotions are to society around us. Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
This
is also
one of the reasons why many people come to music
concerts to sing along with
other folks to release their feelings
to the world. In addition
, research conducted in Indonesia by the University of Sydney in 2015 said that individuals who love to express themselves are actively seeking concerts to release their pleasure.
To conclude
I am strongly against that statement because I believe that tunes can help human beings to produce endorphins which boost inspiration and also
it can help individuals to show their feelings
to the world by singing out loud.Submitted by rizkyrizalzal on
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Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear viewpoint and comprehensive ideas on the topic. However, there is a slight deviation from the main topic in the second and third paragraphs, where the discussion on the effects of music does not directly relate to the question about its role in reducing stress and anxiety.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure; the ideas are presented and developed in a clear sequence. However, the use of linking words is a little mechanical, and their use needs to be varied. You also need to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Lexical Resource
You've used an adequate range of vocabulary to express your ideas, including some less common and idiomatic expressions. However, there's still room for improvement: some words and phrases are repeated too often (like 'express feelings' and 'sing') which reduces the sophistication of your writing. Explore synonyms and vary your language use more.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You demonstrated a range of complex structures in your sentences, although there are some minor errors that you need to watch out for. Keep learning and practicing to ensure your grammar does not interfere with the reader's understanding.
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