IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety
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Some say that
music
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's primary purpose is to lower the level of uneasiness and tension. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement because I believe that
music
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 can
also
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 boost creativity and it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to express
feelings
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. For some people, they need tunes to help them boost their creativity.
This
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 is because the
music
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 is often contained with lots of melody, rhythm, and sounds which send signals to our body to create endorphins for the brain.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 endorphin is one of the chemical substances in the human body that can amplify our inventiveness. Research conducted by the University of Edinburgh said that creativity is increased by 20% each time individuals play tunes
while
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 doing their job.
Moreover
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, some folks
also
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 use songs to communicate
feelings
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.
This
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 is because a song often makes a person feel attached to
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
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 moods and when we sing out loud of that song it helps us to show how our emotions are to society around us.
This
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 is
also
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 one of the reasons why many people come to
music
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 concerts to sing
along with
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 other folks to release their
feelings
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 to the world.
In addition
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, research conducted in Indonesia by the University of Sydney in 2015 said that individuals who love to express themselves are actively seeking concerts to release their pleasure.
To conclude
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 I am strongly against that statement because I believe that tunes can help human beings to produce endorphins which boost inspiration and
also
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 it can help individuals to show their
feelings
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 to the world by singing out loud.
Submitted by rizkyrizalzal on

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Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear viewpoint and comprehensive ideas on the topic. However, there is a slight deviation from the main topic in the second and third paragraphs, where the discussion on the effects of music does not directly relate to the question about its role in reducing stress and anxiety.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure; the ideas are presented and developed in a clear sequence. However, the use of linking words is a little mechanical, and their use needs to be varied. You also need to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Lexical Resource
You've used an adequate range of vocabulary to express your ideas, including some less common and idiomatic expressions. However, there's still room for improvement: some words and phrases are repeated too often (like 'express feelings' and 'sing') which reduces the sophistication of your writing. Explore synonyms and vary your language use more.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You demonstrated a range of complex structures in your sentences, although there are some minor errors that you need to watch out for. Keep learning and practicing to ensure your grammar does not interfere with the reader's understanding.
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