IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is better to buy just a few expensive clothes, rather than lots of cheaper clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

#clothes #lots
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Some
people
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 believe that having just a number of luxurious
ones
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 is better than buying a mass of low-cost
ones
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. In my opinion, a few expensive
clothes
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 are better because in a long
time
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time,
show examples
 they save more
money
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 and the appearance looks smart. Purchasing needs are a vital part of
people
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’s lives, and one of the common things that have a variety is
clothes
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.
Firstly
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, in the recent modern world, there are a huge number of fashion trade with different goals in their company and introduce trendy
ones
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 weekly, so they need to use a majority of nonrenewable materials and most of them are not environmentally friendly.
Moreover
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, most of them would rather produce goods at low cost so lots of
people
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 with different incomes can able to purchase them.
For example
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, most of the cheaper
clothes
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 made of plastics and nylon
as a result
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, they are not recycled and for a long time be exist on the earth and contribute to many environmental problems.
On the other hand
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, expensive
clothes
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 are made with high-quality materials and
also
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 have more observation system when they are in the factories, a smart designer works for their shape so they are able to be worn for several years
in addition
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 in long time causing to save
money
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 and prevent to waste
money
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.
Secondly
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, when
people
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 wear
clothes
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 as luxurious items, their appearance looks smart and wealthy, so it is a better choice for
people
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’s wearing.
In addition
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, when
people
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 are used to buying these and
also
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 avoid purchasing daily, they can control their awful behaviour in the result, reducing consumerism. In conclusion, using expensive
clothes
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 not only can cause
people
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 to be able to save
money
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 and look richer than when wearing the cheaper
ones
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 but
also
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 can reduce the bad habit of consumerism.
Submitted by zare.19866 on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear argument on the given topic, but some of the points lack elaboration and development. Try to focus on fully developing each point you make.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with clear introduction and conclusion. However, some of the main points lack strong supporting details. Work on providing more cohesive support for your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • long-lasting
  • cost-per-wear
  • economical
  • investing
  • ethical manufacturing
  • transparent
  • exclusivity
  • designs
  • mass-produced
  • accessibility
  • budget
  • fast fashion
  • trends
  • maintenance
  • dry cleaning
  • social status
  • psychological implications
What to do next:
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