IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the government rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#research #government #companies
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In today’s interconnected society, there is a prevailing proposition that governments
instead
 of private companies, should be responsible for scientific research. With
this
, I completely agree. There are several supporting reasons, one of which is that authority agencies are more appealing to scientific talents.
That is
 because researchers who work for governments are authorized to utilize resources and technologies nationwide. Some rare resources and cutting-edge technologies, which are exclusive to government sectors, are not accessible to privatized enterprises. With
this
 superiority, scientific breakthroughs are more achievable.
As a result
, it is much easier and faster for scientists to witness their endeavours contributing to the public and to have a sense of achievement.
This
 is why outstanding scientists are more willing to work for states. Another underlying factor is that authority control of scientific investigation can better benefit the entire association. To be more specific, the primary obligation of countries is to guarantee the welfare and safety of citizens. When investigation is conducted under government control, it is more likely to prioritize research projects that are of substantial benefit to society.
For example
, government-funded exploration often focuses on domains
such
 as healthcare, education and environmental sustainability.
However
, profit might take priority of private companies over public interest.
Consequently
, the whole society can benefit more directly from the scientific study implemented by governments. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned arguments, I agree that scientific research should be conducted by states
instead
 of private companies as
this
 will attract more talented scientists to achieve more significant outcomes which prioritize public interest.
Submitted by xiaoruoling7 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay could benefit from a more balanced examination of both sides of the argument. Even though you clearly support government-controlled research, acknowledging some potential advantages of private company involvement could strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. Phrases like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', or 'On the other hand' can enhance readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Including a bit more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures would elevate your writing even further. Try to avoid repetition of certain words and use synonyms where appropriate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your main points are well-supported and logically developed, making your arguments compelling.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples that help illustrate your points, particularly in discussing the benefits of government involvement in scientific research.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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