It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Governments have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many
people
believe that individuals
have the major responsibility to prepare for their retirement
, while
governments do not have any rights regarding pension money. In this
essay, I am sure that it would be better if both individuals
and governments worked hand in hand to ramp up effective financial planning for retirement
.
On the one hand, it is argued that people
should be aware when it comes to retirement
. Some people
believe that individuals
have the capacity to plan their finances, starting from their first work to the end of their career. For example
, instilling financial management to
the Change preposition
in
people
may help them prepare and save their money. Therefore
, they might be able to accumulate their income for their retirement
.
However
, there are myriad reasons why the authorities should take a role in providing retirement
benefits. Firstly
, individuals
may encounter divergent challenges during their lives, such
as financial uncertainty, economic disparity, or any economic-related problems, which can hinder them from saving their money for retirement
. Secondly
, the government should be at the forefront to ensure the welfare of the society. Moreover
, the government should amend their policy regarding the retirement
scheme to provide a better old-age guarantee for retirees.
In conclusion, although
individual
should be in charge Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
with
their Change preposition
of
retirement
planning, I believe that the government has an obligation to help the
retirees. Correct article usage
apply
Thus
, I believe that offering a balanced effort from individuals
and governments might ensure a better life for all people
.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure by presenting a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should clearly introduce the topic and your thesis statement; the body paragraphs should contain one main idea each and should be structured in a logical sequence; the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position without introducing new information.
linking
Develop each paragraph coherently with clear topic sentences and supporting sentences. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas both within and between paragraphs. This creates a smooth flow and helps the reader to understand the progression of your arguments.
task response
Address all parts of the task prompt. You should present a balanced argument on the issue, discussing implications for both individuals and governments as required by the topic. Provide a clear position throughout the response and a conclusion that is consistent with the body of the essay.
examples
Include relevant specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Examples can be drawn from personal experiences, hypothetical scenarios, or general knowledge, and they should clearly support the point you are making in each paragraph.
clarity
The clarity of your ideas could be improved. Work on expressing your ideas in a way that is easy to follow and logically organized. The aim is to make it clear to the reader how each idea you present supports your overall argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.