IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Smoking not only harm the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. Discuss both views and give your opinions

#harm #smoker #places
In the modern era, smoking is not only an increasing concern for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 around the world but
also
 a very controversial issue.
While
 it is argued that smoking should be banned because of its negative effects,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 other
people
 feel that it should not, because it is very
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to a country. Generally speaking, there is a wide variety of reasons why
people
 think
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should forbid smoking in important places like hospitals, offices, schools and so on. Perhaps, the main reason against
this
 idea is that smoking is injurious to
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 for only the smokers but
also
 the
people
 who stand or sit nearby. A good illustration is
thar
Correct your spelling
that
 sometimes it creates serious health diseases like lung cancer, asthma and suffocation
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the secondary smoker. A
further
 point is that smoking is very carcinogenic and it smells very bad. The
people
 who are
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
 the smoker feel uncomfortable because of the odour of cigarettes and sometimes it leads to
smell
Wrong verb form
smelling
show examples
 your clothes like tobacco for
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the day. Despite these arguments,
people
 feel that smoking should be allowed. The main reason in
fovour
Correct your spelling
favour
 of smoking is because it not only solves the unemployment issues but
also
 increases the national revenue. Though many
people
 think that banning smoking is very urgent
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it in terms leads to
increase
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an increase
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 the employment problems because many
people
 are engaged in tobacco
manufacturer
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manufacturing
show examples
 companies, bars, nightclubs and so on. Another reason behind
this
 idea is that
Government
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the Government
show examples
 get
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 amount of tax from these types of products which leads to
huge
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a huge
show examples
 addition of revenue to the national reserve. In conclusion, it can be said that smoking has become a complex issue with no easy solutions. If we look
both
Change preposition
at both
show examples
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of the
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
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,
it is clear that
 smoking should be allowed but it needs some rules and regulations. If
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 takes some necessary steps to make some private areas for smoking,
then
 it will be less harmful to the
people
 who stand nearby.
Submitted by rummanurrahad2038 on

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement that outlines your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a clear and logical manner using paragraphs.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and use appropriate verb tenses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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