IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think learning history in school is important. Others think learning subjects more relevant to life is important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
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 some argue that studying
history
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 is crucial at school, others assert that learning subjects which are relative to the life of
students
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 is more essential. I agree with the latter viewpoint because being aware of
students
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' majority will open lots of doors in their future professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. On the one hand, learning about
history
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 can provide insights into how things nowadays are shaped.
That is
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 why, making
history
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 compulsory at school forces
students
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 to appreciate what we own today.
For instance
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, by studying the
history
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 of IT, we can gain a deeper understanding of the discoveries and inventions that have paved the way for modern technology.
As a result
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, we recognize that our modern conveniences were built on the knowledge of previous generations.
However
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, I am not sure that
history
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 has many benefits in both the professional and personal lives of
students
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.
On the other hand
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, those who believe that
history
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 has little to teach the growing generation may believe that only the major subjects have an impact on their future recruitment. To be more specific, in today's fast-changing and modern world , most entrepreneurs employ only those, who are specialized in their fields. If
students
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 have a deep knowledge of their area, it means that there is a high possibility of getting a job immediately.
This
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 has led me to agree with
this
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 argument since I believe that society will benefit greatly if we are aware of our majority and competent in our jobs.
To conclude
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,
although
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history
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 provides us with a foundation of knowledge that helps us understand why things are the way they are today, I believe that the value of major-related subjects is bigger in order to be a highly skilled employer.

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task achievement
Develop your points more fully and provide additional examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-organized, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use a greater variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a strong approach.
task achievement
You have made a clear argument based on your personal opinion, which is well-expressed in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical events
  • insights
  • past civilizations
  • contextual understanding
  • critical thinking skills
  • cultural awareness
  • practical challenges
  • modern world
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial independence
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • balance
What to do next:
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