IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

35.The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

35.The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#information #families #country #income #features #comparisons
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The bar graph displays how
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the families in a specific country spent their weekly earnings in the years 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, the expenditure
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 was a lot
more
Change the word
apply
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higher than
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other products in 1968. The other
significan
Correct your spelling
significant
 feature of
this
Linking Words
 graph is that in 2018, the highest waste was leisure,
while
Linking Words
 fuel and power had the least spending.
Food
Use synonyms
 had a use of 35% of the income in 1968 triple that of housing tied in second place with clothing and
footware
Correct your spelling
footwear
, which only had a percentage of 10%,
while
Linking Words
 leisure only occupied 9% of their weekly remuneration. Household and personal goods
along with
Linking Words
 transport had a proportion of approximately 7.5% each.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, fuel and power had the least payout with only 6%.
Food
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
clothing and
footware
Correct your spelling
footwear
,
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
value was reduced by half, to around 17% and 5% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 leisure made significant gains by increasing their value by nearly 13% to approximately 22%, overtaking
food
Use synonyms
 as the first ranked expenditure. At the same time, housing and
transport’s
Change noun form
transport
show examples
 waste rose to 19% and 14% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 household goods remained stable and personal goods, fuel and power dropped to only 4%.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words food with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure patterns
  • proportion
  • weekly income
  • accounted for
  • total expenditure
  • housing and utility expenses
  • transportation costs
  • other expenses
  • education
  • healthcare
  • leisure activities
  • spending patterns
  • witnessed a considerable rise
  • experienced a substantial increase
  • allocating a larger proportion
  • reducing their expenditure
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