Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion Thao

#people #schools #students #subjets #future #careers #subjects #music #sports #thao

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Education is always one of the important factors determining the development of each individual and the whole society.

While

some people believe

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should focus on teaching learners academic

subjects

that will be helpful for their future careers, in my opinion,

subjects

such

music

sports

are

also

essential. Two aforementioned opinions will be discussed in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. There are many reasons why some people believe that universities should attention to teaching

subjects

that are beneficial to future careers. Focusing on

subjects

such

as science, technology, and foreign languages helps

students

build the necessary knowledge and professional skills. In the context of globalization, the demand for fields

such

as information technology, engineering, finance, and economics is increasing.Today’s

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

market requires highly skilled workers. Early training in these skills helps

students

increase their competitive opportunities when joining the job market.

On the other hand

, I would argue that we need to make space for

subjects

music

and

sports

Music

and

sports

help

students

develop important aspects

such

as creativity and emotions.

Sports

help

students

stay healthy,

while

music

helps reduce stress and improve memory. A healthy body and a clear mind are conditions for long-term success.Not everyone is suited to careers based on math or science. Some

students

may find their passion and talent in

music

sports

, opening up their own career paths.

For example

, musical talents like Mozart needed training from a young age to achieve success. In conclusion, schools should develop a balanced teaching approach.

This

will help

students

develop comprehensively( toàn diện)

while

meeting the needs of the

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

market.

Submitted by midden-02.tore on Thu Dec 19 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay is well-structured, but ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to enhance clarity. Consider using transition phrases to better link your ideas.

Task Response

You have covered both viewpoints well. Try to expand a bit more on your personal opinion with specific arguments or examples.

Coherence & Cohesion

Some sentences could be clearer with slight rephrasing, especially where complex ideas are presented. Keep working on simplifying your message for better comprehension.

Task Achievement

You have presented a balanced view of both sides of the argument, and your personal opinion is clear and aligned with the arguments discussed.

Introduction & Conclusion

The introduction clearly sets up the topic and the essay’s direction, while the conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoints.

Examples & Support

Relevant examples, like mentioning Mozart, illustrate your points about the benefits of music and sports and deepen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion Thao

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries the average weight to people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve the problem?

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. What might be the cases? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

6.It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?