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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or a negative trend?

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Being competitive,
according to
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 many cultures, is a positive quality since it inspires people to keep working toward their objectives. I wholeheartedly concur that rivalry is a good quality as it encourages individuals to maintain their concentration and perform more efficiently in both corporate and individual cultures. First of all, those with a competitive nature are more eager to achieve their professional and personal objectives. These individuals, in general, are easily envious of the accomplishments of their peers, which motivates them to grow and strive tirelessly to exceed others.
Therefore
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,
this
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 quality serves as a catalyst for career advancement and personal growth.
For instance
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, teachers at schools may clearly observe that pupils who are competitive work harder to outperform their peers' grades and
finally
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 get higher marks.
Additionally
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, I think that competition has a significant influence on people's advancement at their professional levels. Employees strive to surpass one another in order to make a smart impression on their superiors, which could result in a promotion.
Thus
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, having competitive employees gives a company the benefit of increased productivity, economies of scale, revenue growth, and profit. Being challenged is
therefore
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 good for both people and businesses.
For instance
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, several architectural firms hold competitions to decide which proposal is the best. They believe that by being challenged, architects are more motivated to present the greatest concepts and workable solutions.
To conclude
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,
as a result
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 of motivating individuals to complete more tasks in their personal and professional lives, competition is a trend
that is
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 generally favourable.
Thus
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, competition acts as a tremendous motivator to improve performance practically everywhere in life.

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task response
Your response is quite complete, however, more discussion could have been made around the potential negative effects of competitiveness, as was specifically asked in the question. Be sure to fully answer all parts of the question in future essays.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a good logical structure, and provides clear progression of ideas from the start to the end. The introduction and conclusion are both present and succinctly summarize the main themes of your argument. Well done.
lexical resource
Your choice of vocabulary is diverse and sophisticated, and you generally use it with precision. However, there were instances where you could have used synonyms to avoid word repetition. For example, 'competition' and 'competitive'. Aim to broaden your lexical resource.
grammatical range
You have a wide range of sentence structures and tenses, including complex sentences. However, some sentences could be clearer if they were split into two shorter sentences. Be careful not to create overly complex sentences that could lead to confusion.
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