IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other counties than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behavior. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #counties #society #countries #immigrants #customs #codes #behavior
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Many countries in the world have wars, diseases and so on;
consequently
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, a low quality of
the
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apply
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life
of
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for
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resident
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residents
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 raises the desire to migrate to other nations.
However
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, they have to integrate into society in other regions,
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Correct word choice
and newcomers
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newcomers
Correct word choice
and newcomers
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 should try to adapt to local customs and codes of
behavior
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behaviour
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. Personally, I completely agree with
this
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 view.
Firstly
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, that
newcomers
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 should learn everything about the laws in new communities is essential, because the failure to observe their laws may cause the improper operation of their societies.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that road rules show differences in each country, so foreigners can cause accidents if they do not follow the rules.
For instance
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/To illustrate, citizens in some regions are allowed to own a gun
but
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apply
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, but
this
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 action is prohibited in other countries.
Therefore
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, immigrants are deported back to their
hometown
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hometowns
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 by the government in new lands.
Secondly
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, immigrants should remember that societies are built on shared values, so they have to respect them.
This
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 is because the rich cultural diversity may bring a lot of advantages.
In
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On
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 the other hand, various cultures on
a
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apply
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land can cause
newcomers
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 to lose their cultural identity,
therefore
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the
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apply
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weakening
of
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apply
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the society.
Consequently
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, the similarities among people make them more chummy, but the differences pull them apart.
For example
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, if immigrants may move to settle down in their
neighboring
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neighbouring
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 country, people in two different places are cross-cultural.
As a result
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,
the
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apply
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immigration can enable their offspring to understand and learn interesting things from both
native
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the native
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 culture and the new one. In conclusion, it seems to me that
newcomers
Use synonyms
 should adapt to local customs and rules of
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 since they must integrate into their life in new nations. It is advisable that the government should take
actions
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action
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 to create
favorable
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favourable
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 living conditions for
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 the life quality of new settlers.
Submitted by anhnn201 on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic. In this essay, you mention that you completely agree, but you could make it more explicit in your introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. However, make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.
lexical resource
You have a good range of vocabulary, but some sentences could be phrased more naturally. Be mindful of collocations and idiomatic expressions to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are a few errors in sentence structure and word choice. Review your use of articles, prepositions, and verb tenses to improve your grammatical range.
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