IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge of experience.

#purpose #business #money
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A handful of people ponder that the Organization should only be focused on the profit for a
company
Use synonyms
. I am not in consummate accord with
this
Linking Words
 notion and will explicate my viewpoint in the upcoming paragraphs
along with
Linking Words
 relevant examples. The predominant justification to support my viewpoint is that Chasing money in
business
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 can blind corporations to the true value of building
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
meaningful relationships and creating lasting impact. To be more precious,
If
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
company
Use synonyms
 focus more on
customer
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 values and needs will lead them to be more recognizable and respectable among the community.
For example
Linking Words
, If a
company
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 provide top-notch
customer
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service
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 and understands client needs first rather than focusing only on money will create a paradigm shift in the
business
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, which eventually
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
organization
Correct article usage
the organization
show examples
 to a profitable
business
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, better relationships and
customer
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
 will bring a better reputation for the
Business
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 than the Income. Moving
Further
Linking Words
, Another main point is that if a
company
Use synonyms
 puts more morals to their employee needs, not just the profit will lead them to higher revenue in the future.
In other words
Linking Words
, If businesses provide better benefits to their workers
such
Linking Words
 as salary and,
praiseworthy
Correct article usage
a praiseworthy
show examples
 environment will bring a paradigm shift to the
business
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.
For Instance
Linking Words
, if the
company
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 provide the best
service
Use synonyms
 to the employees, it will make workers stay longer and support the firm to surplus revenue.
As a result
Linking Words
, Focusing more on employees will bring higher returns to the corporation. In the compendium, without any doubt, it is clearly seen that
business
Use synonyms
 should not only focus on money. Building valuable
customer
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
 and providing better employment benefits will lead the
company
Use synonyms
 to a profitable and reputable among other enterprises.
Submitted by harmanpreet021804 on

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introduction conclusion present
You effectively introduce your stance and provide a conclusion, both of which are well developed.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically from one idea to another to enhance the logical progression.
supported main points
Make sure to fully elaborate on your main points with more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Consider using clearer, more varied sentences. This will improve the coherence of your ideas and keep the reader engaged.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents your stance, making it easy for the reader to understand your perspective from the outset.
coherence structure
The essay is well-structured, with distinct paragraphs that cover different points, enhancing reader understanding.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant examples that support your main points, helping to make your arguments convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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