The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods.

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods.
The bar graph illustrates the amount of expenses on five different consumer items
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
and
France
in 2010.
Overall
, both countries spent most on cars, computers and books,
on the other hand
, paid less on perfume and cameras. The difference between the two groups
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
almost double.
First,
both countries purchased mostly
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cars, computers and books.
Moreover
, cars had the highest sales in
France
and the
UK
with 400,000 and 450,000 respectively.
Then
, the second
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
highest expense
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
computers for
France
which was 40,000 higher than
UK
,
as well as
, books for
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
which was 100,000 more than
France
Change preposition
in France
show examples
.
However
, perfume and cameras had the smallest amount of paid expenses. For the
UK
, cameras had
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher sales which was significant since it was triple
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the amount paid by
France
consumers.
While
for perfume expenditures,
France
was at 200,000
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and was 51,000 higher than the
UK
sales.
Submitted by ronica.adriano on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, france with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • consumer goods
  • chart
  • countries
  • overall
  • compare
  • analyze
  • categories
  • consumer spending
  • trends
  • proportions
  • statistics
  • increase
  • decrease
  • significant
  • notable
  • remarkable
  • substantial
  • considerable
  • determine
  • conclude
  • in conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: