IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Please outline your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer term career goals. You may wish to consider how these relate to what the UK government is doing in your country. (500)

#individuals #post-study #career #plan #outline #plans #home #term #goals #relate #uk #government #country
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I agonised about two questions.
First,
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why is
education
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 unequal to
students
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 all over the country?
Second,
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why is the
Korean
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 government not protecting
teachers
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 from infringement of teaching rights? To commence with my story, I worked as a primary
school
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 teacher in two different schools in
Korea
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. One
school
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 was filled with
students
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 who were fully supported by their parents. The other
school
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 was filled with
students
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 who were of lower income and
students
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 with fewer resources. The latter
school
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students
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’ academic competence was low and were not sustainable about their results. Public schools must maintain their
education
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system
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 to help the
students
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 become better.
Therefore
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, my ultimate goal is to contribute to these two questions. As soon as I come back to
Korea
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, I will move my department to the ‘Foreign Language Experience Center’ from my current position. In there, I will invent an
education
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 program to teach
students
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 with better understanding field of English and globalisation. Even if the number of multicultural
students
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 is increasing, the percentage of
students
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 who drop out of
school
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 is increasing. In
Korea
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, there is discrimination against multicultural
students
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, and I want to enhance
Korean
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students
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’ multicultural capability and remove educational inequality. My mid-term goal is to work in the Republic of Uganda by being selected for the ‘
Korean
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 Government-sponsored Volunteer
Teachers
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 Program’. The
Korean
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 government sends exchange
teachers
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 to Africa. It runs a program that helps advance
education
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 in Africa. They send one person a year to Uganda, and I hope the program selects me to go. South
Korea
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 has inspired STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Art and Mathematics)
education
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 from England. I have been taught about convergence between subjects and ways to bring edu-technology to class when I was a candidate to get the certification as a first-rate teacher. As
Korea
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 borrowed the
education
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system
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 from the United Kingdom, I will help introduce
this
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system
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 to Uganda’s
education
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system
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. My ultimate goal is to be appointed to the “Jeonnam
Education
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 Policy Research Institute”. I hope to engage with various opinions within the
education
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 field, monitor policies, and propose a field-oriented
education
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 policy using my expertise in Comparative
Education
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.
Korean
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 teacher training was inspired by the British model, which emphasises pedagogical skills and ongoing professional development.
Therefore
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, I could get full support from my government to progress in my profession. There are programs and professional learning communities to train ourselves at
school
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. It was so helpful to me to teach
students
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. Even though
teachers
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 have professional skills in teaching, there is a problem of infringement of teaching authority.
Therefore
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, I will share my expertise with co-
teachers
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 that I learned from the university, find the problem of
Education
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 in
Korea
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 and change the policy. I will create a safe environment to solely focus on
students
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. These are my career plans to realise my
education
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 goals.
Submitted by soyuyu9 on

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task response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. You have discussed your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer-term career goals, but make sure to clearly state how they relate to what the UK government is doing in your country.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. However, to improve coherence, consider using transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary and have used appropriate terms related to education. To further enhance your lexical resource, try incorporating more academic and formal vocabulary.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is generally solid with only minor errors. However, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use appropriate verb tenses consistently throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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