Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Please outline your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer term career goals. You may wish to consider how these relate to what the UK government is doing in your country. (500)

I agonised about two questions.
First,
why is
education
unequal to
students
all over the country?
Second,
why is the
Korean
government not protecting
teachers
from infringement of teaching rights? To commence with my story, I worked as a primary
school
teacher in two different schools in
Korea
. One
school
was filled with
students
who were fully supported by their parents. The other
school
was filled with
students
who were of lower income and
students
with fewer resources. The latter
school
students
’ academic competence was low and were not sustainable about their results. Public schools must maintain their
education
system
to help the
students
become better.
Therefore
, my ultimate goal is to contribute to these two questions. As soon as I come back to
Korea
, I will move my department to the ‘Foreign Language Experience Center’ from my current position. In there, I will invent an
education
program to teach
students
with better understanding field of English and globalisation. Even if the number of multicultural
students
is increasing, the percentage of
students
who drop out of
school
is increasing. In
Korea
, there is discrimination against multicultural
students
, and I want to enhance
Korean
students
’ multicultural capability and remove educational inequality. My mid-term goal is to work in the Republic of Uganda by being selected for the ‘
Korean
Government-sponsored Volunteer
Teachers
Program’. The
Korean
government sends exchange
teachers
to Africa. It runs a program that helps advance
education
in Africa. They send one person a year to Uganda, and I hope the program selects me to go. South
Korea
has inspired STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Art and Mathematics)
education
from England. I have been taught about convergence between subjects and ways to bring edu-technology to class when I was a candidate to get the certification as a first-rate teacher. As
Korea
borrowed the
education
system
from the United Kingdom, I will help introduce
this
system
to Uganda’s
education
system
. My ultimate goal is to be appointed to the “Jeonnam
Education
Policy Research Institute”. I hope to engage with various opinions within the
education
field, monitor policies, and propose a field-oriented
education
policy using my expertise in Comparative
Education
.
Korean
teacher training was inspired by the British model, which emphasises pedagogical skills and ongoing professional development.
Therefore
, I could get full support from my government to progress in my profession. There are programs and professional learning communities to train ourselves at
school
. It was so helpful to me to teach
students
. Even though
teachers
have professional skills in teaching, there is a problem of infringement of teaching authority.
Therefore
, I will share my expertise with co-
teachers
that I learned from the university, find the problem of
Education
in
Korea
and change the policy. I will create a safe environment to solely focus on
students
. These are my career plans to realise my
education
goals.
Submitted by soyuyu9 on

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task response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. You have discussed your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer-term career goals, but make sure to clearly state how they relate to what the UK government is doing in your country.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. However, to improve coherence, consider using transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary and have used appropriate terms related to education. To further enhance your lexical resource, try incorporating more academic and formal vocabulary.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is generally solid with only minor errors. However, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use appropriate verb tenses consistently throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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