IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Please outline your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer term career goals. You may wish to consider how these relate to what the UK government is doing in your country. (500)

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I agonised about two questions.
First,
Linking Words
why is
education
Use synonyms
 unequal to
students
Use synonyms
 all over the country?
Second,
Linking Words
why is the
Korean
Use synonyms
 government not protecting
teachers
Use synonyms
 from infringement of teaching rights? To commence with my story, I worked as a primary
school
Use synonyms
 teacher in two different schools in
Korea
Use synonyms
. One
school
Use synonyms
 was filled with
students
Use synonyms
 who were fully supported by their parents. The other
school
Use synonyms
 was filled with
students
Use synonyms
 who were of lower income and
students
Use synonyms
 with fewer resources. The latter
school
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
’ academic competence was low and were not sustainable about their results. Public schools must maintain their
education
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 to help the
students
Use synonyms
 become better.
Therefore
Linking Words
, my ultimate goal is to contribute to these two questions. As soon as I come back to
Korea
Use synonyms
, I will move my department to the ‘Foreign Language Experience Center’ from my current position. In there, I will invent an
education
Use synonyms
 program to teach
students
Use synonyms
 with better understanding field of English and globalisation. Even if the number of multicultural
students
Use synonyms
 is increasing, the percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 who drop out of
school
Use synonyms
 is increasing. In
Korea
Use synonyms
, there is discrimination against multicultural
students
Use synonyms
, and I want to enhance
Korean
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
’ multicultural capability and remove educational inequality. My mid-term goal is to work in the Republic of Uganda by being selected for the ‘
Korean
Use synonyms
 Government-sponsored Volunteer
Teachers
Use synonyms
 Program’. The
Korean
Use synonyms
 government sends exchange
teachers
Use synonyms
 to Africa. It runs a program that helps advance
education
Use synonyms
 in Africa. They send one person a year to Uganda, and I hope the program selects me to go. South
Korea
Use synonyms
 has inspired STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Art and Mathematics)
education
Use synonyms
 from England. I have been taught about convergence between subjects and ways to bring edu-technology to class when I was a candidate to get the certification as a first-rate teacher. As
Korea
Use synonyms
 borrowed the
education
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 from the United Kingdom, I will help introduce
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
 to Uganda’s
education
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
. My ultimate goal is to be appointed to the “Jeonnam
Education
Use synonyms
 Policy Research Institute”. I hope to engage with various opinions within the
education
Use synonyms
 field, monitor policies, and propose a field-oriented
education
Use synonyms
 policy using my expertise in Comparative
Education
Use synonyms
.
Korean
Use synonyms
 teacher training was inspired by the British model, which emphasises pedagogical skills and ongoing professional development.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I could get full support from my government to progress in my profession. There are programs and professional learning communities to train ourselves at
school
Use synonyms
. It was so helpful to me to teach
students
Use synonyms
. Even though
teachers
Use synonyms
 have professional skills in teaching, there is a problem of infringement of teaching authority.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I will share my expertise with co-
teachers
Use synonyms
 that I learned from the university, find the problem of
Education
Use synonyms
 in
Korea
Use synonyms
 and change the policy. I will create a safe environment to solely focus on
students
Use synonyms
. These are my career plans to realise my
education
Use synonyms
 goals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. You have discussed your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer-term career goals, but make sure to clearly state how they relate to what the UK government is doing in your country.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. However, to improve coherence, consider using transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary and have used appropriate terms related to education. To further enhance your lexical resource, try incorporating more academic and formal vocabulary.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is generally solid with only minor errors. However, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use appropriate verb tenses consistently throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: