IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people say that it is better to promote healthy lifestyles than spend so much money to treat obese people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #lifestyles #money
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A considerable amount of people consider that encouraging a healthy lifestyle is much better rather than treating obesity. I agree with
this
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 statement because awareness and a healthy
diet
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 can prevent
health
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 issues. Awareness is the best way to keep the
health
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 in good condition. These days, a lot of information is provided on the Internet about how to stay healthy.
For example
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, my dad always follows some influencers on YouTube and
while
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 watching them, he always takes care of his
health
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 and he is doing as it as they say. My father tested his cholesterol and weight, he got good results.
Thus
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, it is believed that prevention is better than cure, so it is good to be aware before rather than spending money on
health
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 issues.
Moreover
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, a healthy
diet
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 is the other option for a healthy lifestyle people should avoid fast food as much as they can and follow a strict
diet
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 for the benefit of their
health
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.
For instance
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, my brother
was
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apply
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always preferred to eat outside even though my mom made food for him at home. So, he began to feel unwell and started to eat at home, especially homemade food,
then
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 he started to recover his
health
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 again and now he is going gym with a healthy
diet
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 to stay healthy.
Therefore
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, follow a good
diet
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 to stay healthy. In conclusion, to establish a healthy lifestyle, we should be aware of our
health
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 and our
diet
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 to stay healthy life. If we don't apply these rules in our lives, it will lead to diseases and need to spend a large amount of money to treat
this
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.
Submitted by AP on

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Grammar & Clarity
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity.
Development of Ideas
Ensure all paragraphs are well-developed with clear main ideas supported by examples.
Vocabulary Range
Use a wider range of vocabulary to better express your ideas and avoid repetition.
Use of Examples
Effective use of examples to support your points.
Structure
Clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining your view.
Coherence
Good logical flow of ideas, making your argument easy to follow.
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