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Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Globally, there are more villagers who migrate to cities resulting in a lessening populace in
countryside
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the countryside
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.
This
 phenomenon generally called urbanization which often used by the governance to stimulate
an
Correct article usage
apply
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organic development for the aftermost area. Apparently, I think
this
 is a positive movement since they could become an educated person and go back to escalate their homeland’s economic potential.
According to
Change preposition
In
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 many cases, rural residents move to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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metropolitan areas to pursue a better education.
For example
, there are lots of scholarship programs in my country that are intended only for underprivileged recipients with the majority
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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coming from a village.
That is
 to say, migration for a better education potentially leads to a positive impact on the rural areas though the population is decreasing at the same time.
Furthermore
, those rural people who have earned a sufficient education could contribute to improving their homeland condition.
For instance
, the founder of an Indonesian start-up
that is
 famously known as Efishery originated from one of Java’s aftermost regions. Since the fish farmers made up the majority of their livelihood, he successfully improved his homeland’s living standard by empowering the farmers and advancing the supply chain of fish commodities. In brief,
this
 concrete example supports the advantages of urbanization that outweigh the reducing numbers of
population
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the population
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 in the village.
Overall
, even though the falling populace in the countryside occurs
due to
 the migration of its people to the cities, it is worth considering the positive impact that leads to an improvement in the village’s living standard.
Submitted by kania.tunggadewi on

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task response
Your response addresses the prompt and provides a clear and comprehensive discussion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of supporting your main points with more evidence.
coherence cohesion
Overall, there is a logical structure in your essay, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, it would be beneficial to provide more cohesive and smooth transitions between your ideas.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary. However, try to incorporate more specific and varied vocabulary to enhance your writing further.
grammatical range
There are occasional errors in grammar and sentence structure throughout your essay. It is important to review and revise your work to ensure more accurate and precise language use.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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