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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the unemployment levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008.

The graph below shows the unemployment levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008.
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of the unemployment levels in Ireland
as well as
Linking Words
 the
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 leaving the country from 1988 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the jobless
rate
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 reached
peak
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a peak
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 in the first year,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
resident
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residents
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 leaving was highest in the next year.
In addition
Linking Words
, both the unemployment
rate
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 and migrants witnessed a significant decline in the following years and
then
Linking Words
 increased slightly again
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year. Look in detail at the unemployment
rate
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, in 1998 the number of
people
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 who were unemployed hit the highest point at 18%, and
then
Linking Words
 had a
steadily
Change the word
steady
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 decrease to 16% in 1990. Over the next ten years, the percentage of jobless
people
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 had a significant decline to under 6% and had slight fluctuation before
risingto
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rising to
rising
 roughly 10% in 2008. Turning to the figure for citizens leaving Ireland, 40,000
people
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 left the country at the beginning of the timeframe,
after
Correct word choice
and after
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 that,
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 a peak at 70,000. In 1990, the
rate
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 fell rapidly and remained at around 30,000 until 2004. By the end of the period, 40,000 inhabitants
leaving
Wrong verb form
had left
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 the country.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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