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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose higher taxes on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Countires
Correct your spelling
Countries
 in some places around the world believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
increase
Use synonyms
taxes
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 a rising aspect of
individuals
Use synonyms
 consuming
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
,
as a result
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 many
health
Use synonyms
 risks concern. Is it,
therefore
Linking Words
,
resonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
 to
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 the
taxes
Use synonyms
 on that group of
food
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 I strongly disagree with the statement. Many teenagers and
individuals
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 nowadays work at many different places, despite most of them
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 at
a fast
Correct the article-noun agreement
a fast food restaurant
fast food restaurants
show examples
food
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 restaurants because those kinds of
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 accept
people
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in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages from
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 to older ones. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, many children around my age spend time working after school to earn preparation money for university and college in the future.
As a result
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 increases
taxes
Use synonyms
 many
individuals
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 may lose interest in eating at fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants and working opportunities would be affected for younger generations and they may
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their jobs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these days
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 have different
status
Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
show examples
 of money, some may be poor and some may be rich. In the aspect of richer
individuals
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, they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 care if the
taxes
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increase
Use synonyms
 or not because they are able to
offered
Change the verb
offer
show examples
 it no matter what.
However
Linking Words
, in the
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 of normal wages
people
Use synonyms
 with many responsibilities increasing
taxes
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the kind of
food
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 that they may only afford would make their lives harder
as a result
Linking Words
 it could
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 mental
health
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and stress.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 have many better ways to improve
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 problem
through
Change preposition
than
show examples
 eating fast
food
Use synonyms
. One of the
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 they can do is to educate
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 in different schools to remind them of good eating habits.
For example
Linking Words
, in
food
Use synonyms
clases
Correct your spelling
classes
 at
schools
Add a comma
schools,
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 may change the teaching method from teaching them how to cook a cheesy burger, to how to cook
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
 salad with higher protein and nutrients.
Additionally
Linking Words
, improving facilities that
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 with
individuals
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health
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
sports
Correct article usage
a sports
show examples
 field, gym, and
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 outdoor swimming pool may be one big factor that
government
Use synonyms
 can step in and help, as all of the activities helps improve
health
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 problem like increasing blood pressure
throught
Correct your spelling
through
throughout
 running or even make an
individuals
Use synonyms
 lung
stronge
Correct your spelling
strong
stronger
 by swimming. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should not
increase
Use synonyms
taxes
Use synonyms
 because it will affect many work opportunities and
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different money
status
Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
show examples
 would not care, despite they should
increase
Use synonyms
 facilities and educate new generations more about healthier eating habits.

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coherence cohesion
Be cautious of repetitive language and sentence structures. Vary your vocabulary and sentence construction to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Make sure to address the task prompt and clearly present your position. Provide a stronger justification for your disagreement with the statement.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to add more depth and precision to your arguments. Use more advanced vocabulary to demonstrate your language skills.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence formation.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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