IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, we can watch entertainment performance on the screen and no need to watch it live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Today, as
technologes
Correct your spelling
technologies
technology
 are being developed, we can watch many
stars
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 perform without directly going to a stage
Rephrase
where that
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 performance is ongoing
on
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apply
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.
However
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, even
Linking Words
this
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though this
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 allows us to enjoy shows in our
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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, that does not mean
the
Correct article usage
apply
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watching shows on the spot is no longer
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
. There are some reasons why
people
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 are still
enthusiatic
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enthusiastic
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about
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to
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about
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 going to a
concert
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,
Fix the agreement mistake
musicals
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musical
Fix the agreement mistake
musicals
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, stand-up
Fix the agreement mistake
comedies
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comedy
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comedies
show examples
 and so on. I firmly believe that seeing performances that
people
Use synonyms
 want to enjoy has
advantigeous
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advantageous
advantages
 even though they can see them on the screen conviniently.
To begin
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 with, being in a show as an audience gives them unforgettable memories
about
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of
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 shows they watched and would have been conducted in front of their eyes. First, I would like to ask
people
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 if they have been to a
concert
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 holding a
fanclub
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fan club
 light and wearing
dresscoad
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dress code
 which all audiences would get on
too
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to
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. If they have, I am
on
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of
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 the opinion that they will not forget the voices and dance of singers they have listened
and
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to and
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 seen in that place. Because songs from televisions or smartphones'
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
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 are totally felt differently
form
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from
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 those of mics which
stars
Use synonyms
 would wear. The feeling that I am with them and I am listening to their voices in reality makes
people
Use synonyms
 more passionate
for
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about
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 real shows. That's why popular singers'
concert
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ticket
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tickets
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 are booked up so
quikely
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quickly
 as many
people
Use synonyms
 want to go.
Also
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, they can feel
special
Add an article
a special
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 bond with the
people
Use synonyms
 who love
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 artists, which we call fans.
Imagin
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Imagine
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 the hit
which
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apply
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of fans who gather in
a
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the
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 same mind
which
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and
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 cheer a person who will perform on the stage. A huge community that
are
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is
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immedietly
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immediately
 formulated at the place shares
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with them
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them
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the
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a
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apply
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power of
scrimming
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scrimmaging
 or dancing in an
excite
Replace the word
excitement
show examples
.
In other words
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,
surrounding
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by surrounding
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 other but
same
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the same
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people
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, they can cheer their
stars
Use synonyms
 much more gladly. The fact that they become one for a reason why they merely like
a
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the
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 same
performancer
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performer
 reminds us how easily
people
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 get closer
each
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to each
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 other.
Thus
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, a lot of
people
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 or fans go to a
concert
Use synonyms
 to feel
particular
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a particular
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 connection which wires them.
To sum up
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, live shows are still crucial for many
people
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 who enjoy a show genuinely.
Becase
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Because
 they cannot give
it
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apply
show examples
up
to hear
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on hearing
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 voices from their
stars
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 in reality which are never
same
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the same
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to
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as
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 auditary sound and they will meet
people
Use synonyms
 who are in love with their artists too and cheer them together feeling a special connection.

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coherence cohesion
Present a clear thesis statement in your introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are fully supported with relevant examples and explanations.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource of your essay.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve accuracy and range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • variety
  • engaging
  • real-time
  • performing arts
  • interaction
  • emotional connection
  • spontaneity
  • authenticity
  • immersive
  • sensory experience
  • virtual reality
  • audience participation
  • curated
  • cultural heritage
  • relevance
  • social interaction
  • public opinion
What to do next:
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