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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this messages?

#cultures #children #achive #messages
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It is true that in some communities with different cultures, people tell their
children
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 to make every effort to achieve whatever they want.
This
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 way of upbringing has several advantages and disadvantages which will be discussed in the following essay. On one hand, telling
children
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 to do their best to obtain profits, has a variety of benefits for them.
Firstly
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, childhood is the best period of humans' life to learn and be taught and
children
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 are ready to accept each right behaviour
such
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 as hard work, respect for the elderly etc. So, they will keep them in their mind until the end of their life and follow them.
Secondly
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, when they try hard to reach something, in the
end
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end,
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 they will know the value of that thing and how much it is worth.
For instance
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, when a young child earns money himself, he will not throw it around and waste it.
Finally
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, they will understand how enjoyable it is to get something with difficulty.
On the other hand
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, adults should not have any expectation from
children
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 to act older than their ages and have mature behaviour because it may have opposite consequences.
Furthermore
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, at these ages, parents not only should not force their
children
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 to do something
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 should support them and let them live their childhood and learn from their mistakes.
Hence
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, kids should not be worried about any effort or attempt from an early age and they must focus on playing and studying. In conclusion, telling
children
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 about trying hard to obtain whatever they want from the beginning of their childhood, has both advantages and disadvantages.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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Task Response
Make sure to clearly present your position on the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay in a more structured manner, with clear topic sentences for each paragraph and logical transitions between ideas.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas and arguments.
Grammatical Range
Work on improving grammatical accuracy, especially with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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