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Band 5.5

many students take part time jobs while studying in university, you think it's a good idea or bad idea

#students #part #time #jobs #university #idea
In the modern world, many
students
 who are studying in
college
 prefer to
work
 part-time
jobs
, and I think that it is very good ,and it is very beneficial for
students
. So,
this
 essay will discuss how is good for
students
 who are working ,
while
 they are studying in
college
. First of all, if
students
 are working part-time
jobs
,
while
 they are studying,they will have good experiences before they will be graduate.
For example
,
students
 who have worked in the shop, will have skills in sales and marketing ,and
this
 action will be a good experience for them in the future
students
 can write these experiences in their CVs,and they will
work
 better than many
students
 who never
work
 before.
Thus
, I think that schools must support
students
 in working part-time
jobs
.
On the other hand
, some think that
students
 should be studying only because if they spend time working, they will not concentrate on the lesson
while
 they are studying and they will get low GPAs in the subject.
In addition
, I think that the
college
 can solve
this
 problem
such
 as
students
 can help
students
 to
work
 on campus ,or the
college
 can send
students
 to internships.
To conclude
, I think that
students
 who are working part-time
jobs
, will get good skills
while
 they are studying and they are working, so they can use these experiences in their future after they will be graduate from
college
 that why I would like to recommend
students
 to working part-time
jobs
.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide more supporting details and examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion on whether it is a good or bad idea for students to take part-time jobs while studying.
lexial resource
Expand your vocabulary and vary sentence structures for more effective communication.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammar and sentence construction to enhance clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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