IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Many manufactured
products
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as food and drink contain a great deal of
sugar
Use synonyms
, which leads to numerous health problems. I agree with the notion that
products
Use synonyms
 with added
sugar
Use synonyms
 should have higher prices to encourage people not to consume too much
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, excessive
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption can contribute to various health issues, including obesity, diabetes, and even certain types of cancer.
For example
Linking Words
, consider a middle-aged individual who regularly indulges in a fast-food diet and can face the threat of having obesity or diabetes. Anytime he ordered chicken, burgers or even pizzas, the restaurant often offered him sugary carbonated drinks, on each dish, making him easily ingest it every day. The more he consumes these drinks, the higher the likelihood it leads to insulin resistance and an increased risk of developing type 2 diabetes, which has a significant effect on his well-being.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I strongly support the idea that
products
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 with high
sugar
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 content should be priced higher to deter people from overconsumption. When the price is no longer reasonable, individuals are more likely to seek healthier alternatives.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a can of Red Bull costs
triple
Change the verb form
triples
show examples
 what it usually does, customers in most cases do not take it as freely as before, they need to consider more options or opt for water bottles or organic drinks
instead
Linking Words
. Indeed, the pricey approach can serve as a barrier that prevents people from using sugary
products
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 excessively. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly support the proposal to raise the prices of sugary
products
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, as it can help reduce the risk of numerous health issues in the long run.
Submitted by vinhange on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and is well-developed with supporting details and examples.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the overall quality of the essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structures and use a variety of sentence types, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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