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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that they can make as much noise as they want, while others think that the amount of noise people make should be strictly controlled. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #noise #amount
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People
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 have different views about whether
noise
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 can be made by
people
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 as much
they
Correct word choice
as they
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 want, or it can be hardly controlled.
While
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 making
noise
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 is obvious, I believe that making unnecessary
noise
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 should be prohibited. There are a number of reasons why
humankindkind
Correct your spelling
humankind
 makes different kinds of noises. One possible reason is that it is a basic right of humans as
humankindkind
Correct your spelling
humankind
 has the freedom to make any kind of
noise
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. By making
noise
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people
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 can interact with others .Another reason is that by making
noise
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people
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 can express themselves. We cannot convey our feelings like anger, fear happiness without making any kind of
noise
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.
For instance
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 , at any wedding party or anniversary, we invite a DJ party or play music to enjoy the achievement .
Finally
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, in
this
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 world, most of the living beings can make
noise
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 to report their location. Despite the above arguments, it cannot be denied that loud and excessive
noise
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 can be harmful to
people
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 in many ways.
Firstly
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 , intense
noise
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 can be the cause of losing concentration as it can be distractive.
Therefore
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 ,
people
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 can lose their attention from various tasks.
Secondly
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 , loud and high-volume
noise
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 could be the reason for
noise
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 pollution which can pollute the environment. It
also
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 may cause some health issues.
For instance
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, hearing loss or injury to the ear is a very serious problem
people
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 are facing nowadays. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 want to make
noise
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 as per their
need
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needs
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 with so many drawbacks, I would argue that excessive
noise
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 should be strictly controlled at any cost to help
people
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 lead a peaceful life.
Submitted by rifataranawshin on

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task achievement
Consider using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the richness of your essay, which can contribute positively to your task response.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, as this can make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to achieve a smoother flow. More cohesive linking words can enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the topic and presents your position, which creates a strong foundation for the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to your argument, with main points articulated in separate paragraphs, which helps in maintaining a clear direction throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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