IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

The bar shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.

#bar #percentage #people #cinemas #european #country
The bar chart illustrates the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Individuals
 going to cinemas in one European nation
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during one week.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the people spending time
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
show examples
most
Add a missing verb
are most
show examples
 popular on Saturday during
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the week in
respective
Correct article usage
the respective
show examples
 of 2003, 2005 and 2007. Looking for more detail, the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 go up steadily during the period.
However
,
Individuals
 spending time on Saturday
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuated increase at 40% to 43%,
while
 on Sunday of people going to
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 rose steadily from 30% to 33%. On working
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
, the
Individuals
 taking time to cinemas increase steadily for Monday, Tuesday and Thursday,
while
 on Wednesday a sharp decrease from the period.
Furthermore
, on Friday remained constant at 30% during the period,
whereas
 on Wednesday
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 sharply
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 15% to 8%.
Thus
, the trend of
individuals
 watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 in
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
most
Rephrase
is more
show examples
 popular during the weekend than
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 day.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more detailed analysis of the data and include specific numbers or percentages in your description.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences and supporting details to improve coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied words to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on improving your sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher score in grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: