IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Advertising plays a crucial role in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 consumer-driven world. Some argue that the primary purpose of advertising is to boost the sales of
products
Use synonyms
 that are unessential for consumers. In my perspective, advertising does have the power to create
desire
Add an article
a desire
the desire
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 for
products
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, but its impact extends beyond merely promoting unnecessary goods.  It is argued that the main focus of advertising is to encourage consumers to purchase items or services they may not truly need. Advertisements often come with various persuasive techniques that
are appealing
Wrong verb form
appeal
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 to emotions and desires.
For example
Linking Words
, launching limited editions of existing
products
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, or the promotion of luxury brands and clothing, both of which lead to conspicuous consumption and excessive materialism that could potentially be harmful for society as a whole.
As a result
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, some people contend that advertising can be seen as a driving force behind the consumption of
products
Use synonyms
 that people might not genuinely need.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that advertising serves a broader purpose. It can be a valuable tool for educating, conveying information, and promoting
products
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 that are genuinely required in the market and to improve people’s
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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.
For instance
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, demonstrating new technology, promoting novel ideas, and publishing the promising data of a new healthcare product.
Therefore
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, the main aim of advertising is not solely to promote essential needs, but to serve a broader purpose by informing and educating the public. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is believed that advertising can indeed improve sales of unnecessary goods, I am convinced that its role extends beyond
this
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. It can positively influence people’s lives by promoting
products
Use synonyms
 and services that genuinely benefit individuals and society.

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task response
The essay addresses the main prompt and provides a clear stance on the topic. Well done.
coherence cohesion
The overall organization of the essay is good. However, make sure to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance coherence.
lexical resource
Vocabulary used in the essay is varied and appropriate. To further improve, try using more academic and specific language.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar with few errors. Double-check for subject-verb agreement and use of articles.
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