IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays there is more and more competition between older and younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this create? How can they be solved?

#competition #people #jobs #create
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
World
Correct article usage
The world
show examples
 population is increasing rapidly day by day which
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 in the
job
Use synonyms
sectors
Use synonyms
. Both young and old
people
Use synonyms
 are competing for
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 position
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities.
This
Linking Words
 module aimed to discuss about
concequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of
this
Linking Words
 huge
competition
Use synonyms
 and possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to overcome these problems. During
20th
Change the article
the 20th
show examples
 century population of the world
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 growing
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a high rate but
job
Use synonyms
sectors
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 not expanding like
this
Linking Words
 which
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
 a significant
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
job
Use synonyms
sectors
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh
people
Use synonyms
 are growing old but
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can not ensure a secure
job
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, young and old
people
Use synonyms
 are competing for the same
job
Use synonyms
 which
resulted
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
 imbalance in
this
Linking Words
 sector. Young
people
Use synonyms
 are facing
threat
Fix the agreement mistake
threats
show examples
 in the
job
Use synonyms
 sector
due to
Linking Words
 lack of experience.
In addition
Linking Words
, owing to high
competition
Use synonyms
 in
job
Use synonyms
sectors
Use synonyms
 it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 mental stress and
frastration
Correct your spelling
frustration
frustrations
 among freshers which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to health problems.
As well as
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they become demotivated in higher education and most of them distract from their track.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 high
Use synonyms
competition
Add a comma
competition,
show examples
 it create a brain drain from native country to developed countries.
As a result
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries experience
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
high skill
Add a hyphen
high-skill
show examples
 workers. These problems
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a great threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a country so it is needed to find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
possible solutions. First of all,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 of the country need to create
job
Use synonyms
sectors
Use synonyms
 to remove unemployment and huge
competition
Use synonyms
 in
job
Use synonyms
sectors
Use synonyms
.
As well as
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they
also
Linking Words
 need to motivate freshers to become an entrepreneur which will
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 role in
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market by opening new opportunities.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
competition
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
remove
Wrong verb form
be removed
show examples
 totally but it is needed for the government to open new possibilities for the
up comming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
job
Use synonyms
 seekers.
Submitted by sakhayathossenkiron38 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: